


I'm falling down and I can't reach your light

by FreakingOutGirl



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Diggle as the best big brother ever, F/M, Felicity trying to move on, Jealous Oliver, Nyssa is kind of cute, Olicity endgame, Sara as an olicity fan, Season 3, angsty Oliver, olicity always, starts with the date and goes on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2033322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakingOutGirl/pseuds/FreakingOutGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver believes he can finally have a normal life, where a date with Felicity is possible and The Arrow and The CEO can coexist. But when the date turns into a deathly occasion and she saves him putting herself in danger, can he realize he can't take all the guilt or is his life an unending nightmare where Felicity's light can't reach him? My vision of S03. With the appearance of Ray Palmer, Sara Lance and Nyssa al Ghul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

* * *

John Diggle thought of himself as a perceptive man. He was the first one to notice Oliver's bullshit stories, he was the first one to notice how he seemed lighter after some time with the IT-girl and he was the first one to notice, after Felicity entered the team, just how much they cared for each other. It was no surprise if anyone looked at him while Oliver and Felicity were talking to find a smirk playing on his lips.

So, when that morning he descended the stairs of their new lair and found Felicity singing out loud "S _omething good can work_ ", it tipped him off that something happened. She was normally a very happy, very bubbly woman, but the glow in her cheeks was something else altogether.

Unfortunately, the only person beside Felicity in the room was Roy and he knew the younger man was the worst person to give him any intake in Felicity's new found happiness. But, since he was ready to interrogate first a probably witness and only then the person in cause, he choose to walk towards Roy, after smiling openly at the blonde, who responded with a bigger grin.

"Roy…" Diggle called and the man stopped his punches to turn around.

"Hey Dig… How is Lyla?" Roy asked and Diggle smiled. It was a surprise how much the boy cared about his unborn son, but a welcome one nonetheless.

"She is great, a bit tired of all that hunger, but really amazing…" Diggle said and the younger man smiled, seeing the awed expression that still appeared in his friend's face every time he talked about his wife and baby.

"But I need to ask you something… about Felicity…" Diggle said and Roy looked over his shoulder, which had to make him jump a little, to observe the said blonde typing in her computer while singing.

"I wanted to ask about that too… When I arrived she was already like…  _that_ …" Roy said, his hand waving around trying to come up with a word to describe Felicity's state.

"So, you have no idea what happened?" Diggle asked and Roy shook his head.

"You can always ask Oliver… He was here before…" Roy replied and then, an illuminated expression appeared in his face and the two men looked at each other with sudden understanding.

"Holy shit!" they said at the same time and turned to look at Felicity, her voice echoing now the first notes of " _Come on Eileen_ ".

"Did he asked her out?" Roy asked softly, afraid of saying the words too loudly.

"There is only one way to find out…" Diggle said and with a smirk he grabbed his cellphone and after putting in practice some of the tricks Felicity taught them, he put it against his ear.

"Who are you calling?" Roy asked and Diggle put a finger in front of his lips to tell to be quiet.

"Now spill it! I'm sure Felicity told you everything!" Dig said, not giving Roy any clue on who was on the other side.

Approaching the other man, Roy could hear a laugh and then a familiar voice.

"Who says I know anything?" Sara's voice answered.

"Because you didn't ask why I was calling through a secure line…" Dig answered and he hear voices on the back.

"Nyssa says you are being nosy and should just give up… not in these exact words…" Sara said and Diggle huffed.

"Seriously, you told Nyssa Oliver asked Felicity out and couldn't tell us? Worst, why didn't she tell me first?" Digg asked, his voice a bit annoyed.

The blonde on the other side laughed again.

"Actually, it was Oliver who called me… I think I used the words "blondes over brothers' code" or something similar when I made him promise I would be the first one he would call…" Sara replied, the voices around her rising. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go now… Don't drill Oliver too much… Bye!"

When Sara disconnected the call, Digg sighed, and looked at Felicity. She was so happy… He just hoped everything goes well in that date or else her heart would be crushed…

They deserved it after the former months, after all the suffering, the fights, the need to rebuild, the changes… those two deserved to be happy…

"Let's train…" Diggle proposed, turning around to face Roy once again.

"You won't talk to her about the date?" Roy asked and Diggle shook his head.

"Let her keep that to herself… the girl needs a private life too!" Diggle said and it was obvious through his tone that Roy shouldn't say anything about it either.

* * *

When, after the date day and all that surrounded it, Diggle knocked on her door to find Felicity with red rimmed eyes and a pint of cookie ice-cream in her hands, it was no surprise.

"I'm not doing the pity party!" the woman said immediately. "It's that time of the month and I'm more sensible…" she walked into her living room and Diggle followed her, closing the front door behind him.

"I'm not here to pity you…" Diggle said, sitting beside Felicity on the couch. "I'm here to let you vent if you want or just to sit silently with you…"

Felicity turned her face towards him and sighed sadly. He could still remember how she called him one hour before going on her date with Oliver to gush all about it, how she apologized for not telling him and how nervous and stupid she felt.

_"_ _Felicity, he could have asked any woman in this town to go on a date and he choose the one that could say no… Don't you think it counts?" he had said and Felicity's nervous laugh echoed from the other side._

"It's just so stupid! He just doesn't let himself be loved or feel love! He can't see there's light in his path! He took all the choice from me!" Felicity yelled, the pint of ice cream moving dangerously through the air. "I tried and tried, but he didn't listen to me! He just went and left me! Which is funny since we were not officially together… so I'm the girl who suffered a breakup without being in a relationship!" Felicity finished, putting the ice cream down with more force than it needed.

Dig let her talk and vent all she wanted and in the end smiled sadly at her.

"He is a pain in the ass, a moron… but I know he cares about you…" Diggle said and Felicity rolled her eyes. "And that's why I'm going to say what I have to say…" Felicity looked at him with more attention and Diggle measured every word he said. "Move on, Felicity…" her eyes widen at his words. "Move on and be happy… Oliver can't give you what you need right now, he is not ready… You need to go out and meet people… Be free! Be you… and then, if you are really meant to be, you will find each other in the right path with no more demons tarnishing your relationship…" Diggle whispered, in his deep voice, grabbing her hand and squeezing her fingers. "You will mature into what each other needs or don't… I can't really see the future… but I will keep my hopes of being the godfather of a little Smoak-Queen…" Felicity gasped and blushed.

"John…" she whispered and with a squeal, she attacked him, with her arms surrounding his neck and her nose involved by his familiar scent of leather and family.

"I love you, Felicity Smoak, and I will always be on your side…" he whispered and Felicity felt a few errant tears escape her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The question... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I already wrote a few chapter before the trailer came out, so thing will not be exactly like in there... but surprisingly, some will...

_**Part II** _

* * *

Oliver found himself more than once…  _a lot more than once_ … staring at the blonde woman sitting just a few feet away from him. She was typing absently in her computer, the only one they were able of "burrowing" from ARGUS, but, that according to Felicity was way over her old system. So, he couldn't really hold it against Amanda, if she wanted, she could have given them some garbage system…

At first, he tried to stop Felicity from requesting a system from the cold faced woman, telling her they would use it to spy on them… but then, Felicity's reasoning convinced him.

_"If they wanted, they could spy on us anyway. We don't have money to buy a good system. And we need it!"_

And she was so happy when she first touched the equipment. She looked like a kid on Christmas morning, her happiness pure and unmarked by sadness or grief.

During the last few months, Oliver was able of getting a grip on his work as the Arrow. The team noticed with relieve the criminal numbers decreasing day by day. Felicity gave him updated stats about every neighborhood of the city, especially the Glades, where he could still feel some peril of rising crimes, but that were way lower than during the last few years.

Oliver could feel for the first time in years, even before the sinking of the Gambit, that he had control over his life. That he could get the reigns of this wild ride. That finally Oliver Queen could start to live.

Oh, he couldn't forget that he still waited for any news from Thea or the way to regain his family's company, but, even with those thoughts always in the back of his mind, for the first time in many years, he had a new feeling taking roots inside his head and inside his heart:  _hope_. He had hope Thea would reach him once again, just like when they were younger and protected each other when they did something wrong, he had hope his efforts with Walter's help and their team of attorneys could help regain his company and bring it towards its old shine.

And all that resulted from one single person. The one he was watching in that moment. Felicity Megan Smoak. His partner. His friend. His most trusted person. His girl. His...

Oliver couldn't describe what Felicity meant to him now. She was all those things above, but at the same time she became so much more. So much more in such a deep way that if he was being honest it scared him a bit. He depended on her like he had on no one else. She made him feel like no one else. Every time he looked at her it was like he could feel all her care, hope and trust in her eyes. It made him a stronger man, a whole one, and not only two halves of two opposite individuals: the masked man trying to protect and avenge his city and the heir trying to regain his properties.

Oliver swallowed all the doubts he had. That afternoon he had spoken with Laurel. He told her that even if she knew his secret identity they were unable of having their old romantic relationship back. His heart no longer soared when she smiled at him and, much to his surprise, she didn't try to convince him otherwise. She took the news better than he thought she would, even if he could see a cold feeling shining behind her irises.

So, in that moment, Oliver Queen felt ready to reach out and finally destroy the great part of the walls he built during the last years.

He sighed and walked towards Felicity's desk. She was swinging from side to side, humming a song under her breath while her eyes jumped from line to line on the screen, typing quickly.

"Felicity…" Oliver called, his hand jumping to her shoulder from his own accord.

Felicity stopped her typing and turning around, she smiled at him, her blue eyes making his breath catch in his throat.

"Yes? Do you need anything, Oliver?" Felicity inquired and Oliver tried to make his lips work.

_Damn, he was feeling nervous! Oliver Queen didn't do nervous! How dare his nervous system fail him in that moment? It was like he could feel the adrenaline run inside his veins…_

"Are you okay?" Felicity asked, rising from her chair, her hands grabbing his arms and squeezing his muscles.

"Go out with me!" Oliver announced abruptly and Felicity jumped back at his loud voice. "Damn, I mean, fuck, what is happening with me? I meant, would you… like to have a date with me? We could go eat or watch a movie…" Oliver tried to explain, his cheeks flushed and feeling like a teenager asking a girl out for the first time… and truth be told, he never had anyone he felt so strongly about before… not even Laurel when they were "serious".

"Oh…" Felicity breathed and Oliver couldn't stop his mind from taking him to that scene on the mansion, the way her eyes rounded in that moment, just like now, the way her lips parted releasing a gush of breath…

"Felicity, I'm getting nervous here…" Oliver tried to egg her on and with quick blinks of her eyes, he saw her expression clear from her awed expression.

"Yes!" she said quickly and he chuckled. Apparently, he was not the only one excited about this… "I would love to do that…" she whispered and he noticed her rosy cheeks and how they made his hear beat faster.

"I hear they are having a special marathon of Julia Roberts' movies in that cinema near the East Park…" Oliver said and Felicity beamed at him.

"You remembered!" she gasped and Oliver smiled.

"That Pretty Woman is your favorite movie, right beside The Lion King? Of course I did!" Oliver said, with a soft smile.

"I'm sure it will be an amazing date, Oliver…" Felicity whispered.

Oliver approached her slowly, her eyes widening with each step he took. Bending down, his lips touched her forehead and when their skin touched, Oliver could swear he was on fire.

Oliver coughed to hide his warm cheeks.

"Well, I should go now. Walter wanted to have a meeting with me..." Oliver said and he wondered if Felicity could hear the longing in his voice.

When she smiled that comprehensive, soft smile, he knew she felt just the same.

"I'll see you later..." Felicity whispered and Oliver started walking away.

But then, turning around quickly, he ran to close the distance between them and swifter than Felicity could realize, his lips touched her with the touch of a butterfly. And then he was gone, sporting a huge grin for the rest of the day.

When he called Sara while walking towards Walter's home, he could feel the way his steps were more energized than he remembered they ever being or how his lips were impossible to turn down. When his friend laughed and told him it was time he finally man up he couldn't stop the laugh that fell from his lips. Sara's sudden gasp made him realize he hadn't laugh like that in years and how good it felt!

"I'm so happy for you... But don't you dare hurt her or else I'm gonna hunt you down! And I'm sure Nyssa will be more than happy to help."

* * *

When Oliver woke up that Wednesday morning and jumped from his small bed in Felicity's spare bedroom, he felt like today was going to be an unforgettable day. It was make or break it.

For the last few days, they tried to ignore that the day of the date was arriving. Oliver and Felicity tried to act like nothing changed, but it was impossible. The smiles they shared were longer and sweeter. The times he touched her per day increased exponentially. And Dig and Roy's smirks grew everyday.

Just like everyday, Felicity was out before Oliver was awake. Her job in Kord Industries began earlier than she liked, but ended sooner which helped Oliver's plans of going to the movies and then watch the sunset in the park. He knew he was being corny, but he didn't give a damn about it… When he dated, before the island, he never tried grand gestures to woo a girl, she would normally go with him after he said his name or he smiled at them, and even Laurel, at that time, never received the kind of attention in all the dates they had, that he used in only this one with Felicity. He perused through papers and culture pamphlets in search for the perfect Felicity date and he found it, when he was starting to get desperate. Maybe for others, a movie and a sunset were normal things, but for them, that spent so much time in the dark, being able of sit and enjoy a romantic comedy and the orange hues of Starling City's sunset in a Park surrounded by people they fought every night to keep safe was the perfect setting for them…

* * *

"Oliver!" Felicity gushed when she left the building of Kord Industries and found him expecting her. "I thought we would meet at the cinema." she said, clearly confused at his presence.

"I wanted to come and get you." Oliver replied, and the smile he was growing to call Felicity's smile made an appearance.

Felicity bit her lower lip, her bright pink lipstick shining against the white of her teeth, trying to repress the grin that her lips were adamant to showing.

Oliver extended his arm, his hand open and inviting, and without a second thought, Felicity took it, her fingers interlocking with his.

They both sighed at the contact. It was home. Like two puzzle pieces completing each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date, with all its fluffiness and sad and angsty parts...

**Part III**

* * *

"Did you know the scene with the jewelry box was not scripted? Julia Roberts was going throw a break up and was really down during that time, so Richard Gere did that to make her laugh." Felicity was saying while they walked through the streets, the sky already a darker hue, the night approaching quickly. But truth be told, Oliver was not noticing those things. All his attention was held by the blonde woman talking excitedly beside him. The warm of her hand sipped into his digits. None of them acknowledged their holding hands, but both knew it was happening and it was true, and they didn't want it to end.

When Oliver and Felicity entered the park, they were faced with thousands of lights and barracks with games and food. Oliver looked around confused, but Felicity squealed excitedly.

"It's the City Day! I totally forgot!" she stated, looking around. "Actually, it's the first time I came to the fair!"

Oliver knew the tradition, every year, in Starling City Day, a fair would be held in the biggest park of town with amusements for kids and adults. It didn't enter in his plans, but he learned long ago to go with the flow when things like this happen, especially when they made Felicity so happy.

"Look, I bet you could bring his business down!" Felicity pointed towards a booth with some bows and arrows for people to shoot. Oliver laughed and brought his arm around her waist, squeezing it.

"I think it's better if we don't let my secret identity show…" he whispered and noticed with a hint of pride the shiver than run down Felicity's body.

"Oh, cotton candy! I don't taste it since I was a child and I run from home because my mother took the money I won in the science fair to buy cigarettes…" Felicity said, her eyes shining in the face of the pink clouds.

Oliver looked at her, shocked at her words, but Felicity didn't notice or choose not to make a big deal of it, because she was already taking money from her purse to buy the candy.

"Wait! No!" he said, grabbing her wrist. "I pay!" and Felicity frowned at him.

"You paid for the tickets… Now I pay for the candy… Do you want some?" Felicity asked, putting the huge cloud of pink under his nose. Oliver sighed and rolled his eyes, but extended his fingers to grab the fluffy thing.

He closed his eyes and hummed when the sweet touched his tongue. When he opened them again, Felicity was blushing and looking at him like it was the first time she saw him. He noticed her darkened eyes and his heart hammered inside his chest at the desire he saw in her eyes.

"Look, they have a gazebo!" Felicity pointed suddenly and grabbing his hand, she tugged him behind her.

Oliver could only see her blonde ponytail and fit backside and legs, but he would be a liar if he said it was a view he didn't want to see for the rest of his life. Walking behind and beside her or in front of her when she needed protection, as long she was there, would be worth everything. Especially when she looked back, with a big smile on her face, her eyes shining and her lipstick glowing under the lights of the booths to say his name.

"Oliver, you are staring at me…" she laughed and Oliver chuckled back.

"You are beautiful, Felicity Smoak…" he whispered.

Felicity was so shocked at his words, she stopped suddenly and if it wasn't for Oliver's amazing reflexes he would have fallen over her. They were right in front of the gazebo and she was looking at him with that awed expression he learned to recognize. It was the same expression she used in the Queen Mansion or when he asked her out. It was hope mixed with shock and trepidation.

"Would you like to have a picture?" someone asked from behind them and the couple turned around to see a man with an old fashioned camera in a tripod beside him.

Felicity was starting to say no, when Oliver replied affirmatively and grabbed her elbow.

"C'mon… when was the last time you were photographed by a man under a cloth?" Oliver asked and Felicity cringed when her brain made a not so innocent connotation. "I think you are rubbing on me!" Oliver said when he realized what he said and Felicity chuckled.

"Are you ready?" the man asked and they nodded.

Oliver was slightly behind Felicity, his arms surrounding her waist and his chin over her head. When he kissed her temple, Felicity looked at him with a smile. And the flash went out.

After paying and giving their address, Felicity pulled Oliver behind her to take the gazebo's stairs. When they found themselves under its roof, Oliver pulled her to sit beside him in one of the benches in there.

"Are you enjoying this?" Oliver asked and Felicity turned to look at him with a shocked expression.

"Are you kidding me? This is so much better than I could ever imagine… You are amazing, Oliver Queen…" Felicity breathed and Oliver felt his heart hammering inside his chest. Her lips were so close and inviting that he started bending down. He could feel her rapid breathing against his face and the way her eyes darkened in invitation.

_When suddenly all hell broke loose…_

An explosion sounded right beside the games booths and Oliver jumped to his feet, his hand around Felicity's. Under them, the mob was already running in panic, pushing and pulling without any resemblance of control.

"What is going on?" Felicity asked, looking around, trying to make sense of what was happening when another explosion sounded, closer to them.

"Shit!" Oliver cursed under his breath.

Felicity took her tablet from her bag and connected it to the hotspot of the park. She tried to find any kind of signal that was triggering the bombs, but the internet was too slow for her own taste.

Oliver was already pulling her behind him when her tablet pinged and she stopped suddenly. She only had a second to understand the meaning of it and with a stronger pull and push than she thought herself capable of, she freed her hand from Oliver's and pushed him down the stairs of the gazebo. She saw his shocked expression turn in mid fall, the way his arms tried to move and the way his body tried to roll to minimize the fall when, behind her, from under the other bench of the gazebo, another explosion echoed. She jumped forward, following Oliver's trajectory, but she was much closer to the explosion.

As soon as Oliver touched the ground, a wave of heat made him coil against the floor. He looked around, trying to see where Felicity was, trying to understand what she was doing, because he knew the moment she pushed him that she saved his life.  _But to what cost? Where was she?_

" **Felicity! FELICITY!** " Oliver yelled, trying to see around the running people. But she was nowhere to be found.

Oliver covered his mouth with his ruined shirt to protect it from the smoke when suddenly a long ponytail appeared in his field of vision. His heart stopped beating when he saw she was under the rumble from the gazebo.

" _Oh no, please, no, no, no!_ " Oliver begged, running towards the site and kneeling beside what he could see of Felicity.

Without caring for his own safety, he started taking boards and metal from around and over her, noticing with each movement the red liquid that was sipping towards his knees… that was already coloring his jeans... that was starting to pool around them…

" _Please… please… don't you dare!_ " Oliver whispered, the tears running down his cheeks while he took the debris from its place.

When he finally could see her face and reach her, he sobbed quietly. Her face was covered in blood, her cheeks pale and her eyes closed. The deathly hue of her skin made his stomach churn.

He took his destroyed jacket and put it over her burned clothes, protecting her from the weather with the much he could.

When Oliver grabbed her bridal-style, he felt her head lull against his chest, but, unlike the last time he carried her like that, her breathing was almost nonexistent and he was not so sure of the outcome of her injuries.

He ran through the park, elbowing the people around him, yelling like a lost boy and not a grown man. When he found an ambulance, the paramedics there approached him immediately, noticing the gravity of the situation. He couldn't even see if she was breathing, he couldn't let himself think that she might not…  _that it was too late… that she was gone…_

"Please, save her!" Oliver begged, his voice chocked and for the first time since he met her, he was not the one with the ability of doing exactly that. For the first time, he had to rely on others to keep his girl alive.

The paramedics talked quickly between themselves, with Oliver understanding half of what they were saying, but if their worried expressions meant something, the situation was not so good.

"We have to take her to the hospital, or else, she won't make it!" one of them said, which made Oliver jump into the ambulance before they closed the door.

When the others looked at him, he said simply in a deathly voice.

_"_ _I'm going with her, now do your fucking job!"_

He could see, as in a dream, the way the men and women worked efficiently and quickly, finding a vein and connecting an IV for blood transfusion. However, two minutes after leaving the park, a sudden noise started echoing inside the vehicle. A noise Oliver knew all too well, and his eyes jumped towards Felicity's heart monitor, seeing the flat line appear in front of his eyes. It was like the dream became a nightmare he couldn't escape. All the oxygen disappeared from his lungs and Oliver was left frozen and gasping for air. His brain couldn't and wouldn't grasp the reality of what was happening. Not even when the paramedics yelled to each other and started CPR on her body. Not when they brought the defibrillator because their hands were not enough…

His brain only restarted working when the noise turned intermittent and the flat line gave its place to ups and downs.

When the ride ended, Oliver felt like he had aged fifty years.

* * *

When he saw Felicity again, she was already in her own hospital room, connected to IVs and a heart monitor. The bandages around her head hiding the cuts in her scalp and forehead, however, the ones in her face, that were superficial, were left without bandages. Oliver traced the marks marrying her beautiful skin, his fingers more like a butterfly touch than the one a man of his size was thought of able to have. She had burns throughout her body that were covered as well, and he felt bile rise in his throat.

Thankfully, part of the gazebo created a natural cage around her frame, keeping her body from being crushed by the rest of it. Oliver heard the doctors saying how lucky she was, but Oliver felt like luck had nothing to do with this. This was all Felicity, always defying fate, always facing death face on. And once again because of him.

* * *

He could still remember the agonizing hours in the waiting room. How his hands were black with dirt from the smoke and the debris, how his shirt smelled of smoke and was burned around the collarbone. He remembered noticing the absence of his jacket and recalled putting it over Felicity's body, he remembered looking around to the rest of the families waiting for any news and how all the heads moved when the TV started showing the place of destruction. And how the news anchor announced the message that was left beside the first bombing.

_This is Arrow's city and now it's his graveyard as well._

_Let the deaths of this night be in your conscience, especially if your loved ones are among them._

Oliver rose from his chair and ran towards the bathroom, retching in the first stall.

* * *

So, it really was his fault… when he finally thought he could have a normal life, a psycho comes and takes the rug from under his feet. They almost take Felicity away…

Oliver sighs, when Felicity moves in her sleep. He has been sitting here for hours when the door to her room opens and Diggle's head pops in.

"Thank God…" he sighs, seeing his two partners in there. "I searched you in all the hospitals… I was not able of hacking into the system and they can't give info through the phone…" John said, entering and closing the door behind him. "How is she?" he asked, taking in her injured appearance.

"Alive…" Oliver whispered, his hand grabbing hers, feeling her pulse point. "But not because of me…"

Diggle could see through Oliver's demeanor and eyes that he wouldn't be able of taking anything from the man tonight… or this morning, since it was already 8 a.m.

"I'm sorry, I should have called, but our phones were broken in the confusion…" Oliver stated in a hollow voice.

Dig approached him and clapped a hand in his shoulder.

"This was not your fault…" Dig said, but Oliver said nothing.

He was too occupied memorizing every line in Felicity's body, every mark, every bandage, to care for what his partner was saying.

This was his fault and no one would convince him otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Oliver is so much fun to write, which you might think it's weird... Oh well, now we know what happened during the date... 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a comment, it's really important for me to know what you think of this story! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation that changed it all.

**Part IV**

* * *

Felicity felt strangely sticky and heavy.  _And uncomfortable._  Which was strange, since her bed was normally such a comfy place from which she had to rip herself off every morning to go to work.

She tried opening her eyes. It was hard, harder than ever before, which gave her the first clue that something deeply wrong was happening. And then, the memories from her date with Oliver invaded her mind like a canon ball. She cringed inwardly when she remembered the explosion. She couldn't remember any pain which told her she probably passed out right after it, probably from a concussion. She tried to assess her injuries, her ribs were bruised but not broken, she felt bandages surrounding her head and other parts of her body, she probably had burn marks from the explosion, but for now she was not in a lot of pain, the painkillers doing their job perfectly, keeping her painless and a bit silly if she wanted to be truthful.

When she finally opened her eyes, Felicity found three men inside her room, their big bodies surrounding her bed like a protective wall. The one closer to her was sitting in a chair right beside her bed, his hand grabbing hers with cold fingers. The three of them were deep asleep and Felicity noticed it was still day outside of her room. They probably worked themselves out to find the people behind the explosions and were now using her room as their resting place.

"Oliver…" Felicity whispered, the word barely leaving her lips when he jumped awake in his chair.

He blinked quickly, a bit disoriented and that was the first clue to tell her just tired he was. Oliver was never caught unprepared like that.

"Felicity?" he replied, his eyes shining dangerously. Felicity looked shocked at him. He was on the verge of tears and that scared the hell out of her.

"Was I so close?" she asked and he knew immediately what she meant.

Oliver sighed, the hand that was not holding hers, jumping to his short hair and combing through it. She noticed how he let his hand fall and his thumb and forefinger started rubbing against each other maniacally.

His silence spoke louder than any words. She could see in his eyes the tiredness, the pain, the guilt… but she was too tired to say anything, her mind was closing down once again and she found her eyes closing steadily before she could say it was not his fault. Before she could touched him in the face…

* * *

During the eight days Felicity spent awake in the hospital, her boys, as the nurses called them warmly, would do any binding of her desire. Once she even thought of asking to braid her hair, and chuckled to herself, softly, before deciding to erase that idea from her mind.

Oliver would be with her always, making sure she had water, that her bandages were changed timely, that her pills were given at the right time. Diggle would be at the hospital almost as much as Oliver if it wasn't for Lyla needing his help. Her pregnancy had been tiresome and even she always said she was okay every time she visited Felicity, the IT specialist could see the toll it was taking on the combative woman. Roy was always running in and out of the hospital, getting Felicity's favorite foods, or stuff from her house, or donning the hood and prowling through the city at night. But when anyone tried to tell him to calm down, he would roll his eyes at them and continue doing the same.

She knew through Diggle that while she was unconscious for five days, Oliver spent the days with her and the nights searching for the culprit behind the explosions. The night he found him was mere hours before she woke up and the bodyguard chose to see that as a good omen.

When Sara found out about the attack she frantically called Oliver's cell phone and demanded to talk with Felicity. After calming the blonde assassin, Felicity made sure to tell everything that happened, especially the parts before the attack, which made the other woman laugh out loud.

"See you soon!" Sara said as a form of goodbye and Felicity chuckled. Soon probably meant three months…

* * *

When Felicity was finally released from the hospital, after thirteen days, it was like she had spent years inside that building. The cold wind around her never felt so refreshing, the big trees in the sidewalk never look so looming and the first hotdog she tasted from a vendor never felt so rich and tasty, even if Roy pointed out she had ketchup running down her chin.

When Oliver drove them to Felicity's house she felt like something was amiss. Later, when she tried to replay the scenes of that afternoon, she would blame the painkillers still raking havoc with her normally quick and clear mind, numbing down her senses, keeping her from seeing beyond what didn't matter.

Oliver took her bags from her without a word and balancing them in one hand, opened the front door with his key. Felicity followed him, closing the door behind her and looking around, expecting to see her house in a mess. Obviously her boys were on cleaning duty as well, since the place was spotless. Imagining Roy and Dig with white clothes in their heads, cleaning her pillows made her chuckle. Oliver, alerted by the sound, looked at her quizzically, but she just shook her head and smiled softly.

She saw Oliver sigh deeply, putting her bags over the couch. And that's when she saw the  _other_ bags. His suitcase and his duffel bag.

"Are you going somewhere?" Felicity asked, her heart hammering inside her chest.

Oliver sighed once again and turned to look at her.

"I'm going to stay at the lair…" Oliver explained and Felicity's brow scrunched.

"What do you mean? You can stay if you want, it's not like I have a line of people pushing around to stay in my spare bedroom…" she chuckled, but then she looked into his eyes and it was like a bucket of ice cold water was dropped over her.

_No, he couldn't be doing this… that was not possible… he wouldn't do that to her… no… it was ridiculous!_

"Are you… breaking up with me?" the two of them cringed at her words. "Which would be kind of ridiculous since we are not even together  _together_ …" Felicity said, trying to smile. But the smile she was able of evoking was at the best pitying and she knew it. "Oliver, please, we can talk about this… It was not your fault!"

"Yes, it was!" Oliver roared, turning around to face her. His eyes were wild and if she was a more fearful person she would have stepped back. But this was Oliver and he was suffering.

"Oliver, you can't blame yourself for every madman that tries to target this city…" Felicity tried to reason with him.

"He didn't target this city! He targeted the Arrow! He said it was to make him pay and that he hoped his loved ones were affected as well… Guess what? He got what he wished for!" Oliver exclaimed, starting to prowl around her living room.

"But Oliver, your presence in my life won't put me in more danger than I was before, when I was just in the team…" Felicity said, her arms moving around, even if she felt the pain starting to resurface.

"You were the one that said it was the first time you went to the fair… And because of whom? Of me! Don't you get it? Working in the same team is different than…" but Oliver cut himself of before he said too much.

" _Different than what?_  Being in a relationship? Being happy? Feel like you don't have to run from a connection that you know is there, but are too afraid to acknowledge?" and now Felicity was yelling, her voice making him step back.

"I'm protecting you! The first time I took my mind from the game something like this happens! You didn't see the funerals from the others injuries! What do you think it would feel like if it was you? How do you think I would feel like? I'd rather be dead than let anything happen to you! I can't be Oliver fucking Queen, not while this city needs the Arrow! I can't let myself feel like this… let this walls come down… I can't! There's too much into play! There are too many lives depending on me!" Oliver sighed, letting his body sag against the couch, the fight in him all but disappeared and Felicity felt like hers was gone just like that.

"What about your life? What about my life? Don't you think I have a say in my own happiness?" Felicity asked, approaching him. She let her shoulder touch his and for a few moments she hoped he wouldn't part from her. But then, he rose to his entire height and turn around to grab his stuff.

"I'm sorry..." Oliver whispered, before opening the door and closing it again.

* * *

When Diggle appeared at her door the next day, she couldn't say she was surprised.

But when Sara Lance and Nyssa al-Ghul appeared a few hours later, she was left speechless.

"Hum… come in… I'm not sure my house is in the right state to receive two assassins, but make yourself at home… there are no knives in the couch, so you could sit, well, I had some knives in there once… this lady came to show this collection… but I already had my own… so…" Felicity as rambling and Sara chuckled. However, when Felicity sat in front of the two women, in another couch, Sara sobered immediately.

"I thought we would come here to find you and that moron making out… but then Dig goes and tells me what happened…" Sara sighed, her blonde hair falling in waves around her face that had a recent cut in one of her cheeks.

"Oliver Queen is a coward. You don't let others' actions stop you from searching your own desires." Nyssa said suddenly and Felicity felt a sudden warm towards the woman.

Felicity sighed.

"But, forgetting about that… I didn't come here to talk about Oliver Queen… How are you? That scar collection is starting to be dangerous high!" Sara said, eyeing Felicity's bandages.

"Just a few burn marks will linger… and a scar in my leg and arm from an iron that cut too deep… and the one in my scalp…" Felicity counted, shrugging her shoulders.

"You are still cute…" Sara said. "But dangerously close to give all of us a heart attack!"

Felicity smiled at her friend. She was a badass assassin all right, but she was so worried about her safety that Felicity forgot that small detail the majority of the time.

"Please, accept this…" Nyssa said suddenly, extending her arm and giving a box to Felicity.

When Felicity opened it, she found a gun, a dagger and a weird looking control in front of her.

"Guys, I appreciate it, but I don't think this can help from an explosion…" she tried to light the mood, but the two women didn't take the bait.

"This is just for self protection, for you to keep it at the house… " Sara explained.

"The blade of the dagger has a special substance that will incapacitate your opponent immediately, just like the bullets in the gun. I know of your desire to not take lives, and even if I think it's foolish I learned to respect it…" Nyssa said. "And the control is for the closest member of the League to come to your help… It will bring you help in less than three minutes… wherever you are…"

"Are you putting an assassin posing as guardian angel?" Felicity asked and the silence that Sara showed told her everything.

"We are not putting a member exclusively for you. We have connections in all the great cities of the world. And since all this commotion surrounding Starling City started we made sure we had someone in here to keep us updated." Nyssa explained and Felicity felt infinitesimally happier with the situation.

She knew better than try to fight Sara on this one. She knew she had two choices acknowledge the fact and accept it or… actually, she only had one choice, even if she was not happy with it.

"Did you tell Oliver about this?"

Sara shook her head.

"So, you wanted to see if I freaked out, but if I accepted, he would accept too since it's my life on the line. You are a weasel, Miss Lance!" Felicity said, poking Sara's arm and laughing at her.

"I wonder how much painkillers are you on to be so acceptable." Sara wondered and Felicity smiled at her. A lot it seemed.

When the two women left the house after promising to visit soon, Nyssa turned to Sara.

"I thought you would try to aknowledge the fact she should keep moving on with her life. Wasn't that what John Diggle said?"

"What he said was enough. She needed to hear it from him, not me… I don't want her to think all we are worried about is her romantic life. John is special for her in a way no one else is, not even Oliver who she is in love, obviously… And besides, I still want to see those two idiots together." Sara said with a grin.

Nyssa sighed. She was an assassin, Heir to the Demon, and here she was discussing the romantic life of a former CEO and former lover of the love of her life, and a scientific genius with more heart than sense.

Sara was really turning things upside down for her. And she was never happier than she was right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put a Nyssara in here. I just love those badass assassins! And now we can all be mad with stupid Oliver, but it's who he is and we still love him... Next chapter will show the Ray Palmer part, but since I'm not too excited about writing Felicity with another man I won't go into great details.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray Palmer enters the picture. And Oliver hates the guy.

**_Part V_ **

* * *

Oliver Queen didn't consider himself a coward or weak, not after all he had to go through to get where he is now, or at least, where he was a few months ago before all the problems with Slade and Isabel Rochev arose. But now, when his blood is boiling and his head is pounding he feels like he just wants to crawl out of the room and hide behind a desk.

And it was not an armed enemy or a group of mercenaries that made him feel like that…

It was a woman whom he was now absolutely sure held his heart between her colorful fingernails, and was squeezing it painfully with every smile and every chuckle that left her lips. Because those smiles and those chuckles were not brought by Oliver but by  _him,_  the other one, the man Oliver was starting to consider an ever present nightmare.

_Ray Palmer, CEO of Queen Consolidated_

Oh, Oliver and Felicity kept their relationship as partners as the best they could after that damned conversation. The first week was awkward to say the best. Diggle kept sending daggers at him, while Roy sighed and shook his head more than he thought was humanly possible and even Sara sent him an angry message calling him stupid in more languages than he could count.

But they were able of reaching a common ground, they were able of smiling at each other without cringing inwardly, they were able of touching each other without the cold distance and Oliver was finally starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he could stay by her side, in safe distance, basking in her light but without the risk of being burned.

And that's when  _Ray Asshole Palmer_  appeared in their lives, with his suites and charming smiles and funny jokes that Felicity understood and left Oliver clueless.

**_He hated the guy!_ **

_And he envied him._

He envied the way the man was able of forging that easy bond with Felicity, how he touched her without having to think a thousand thoughts, how it was so easy for him, when for Oliver it was hard, so hard to let his arm move and just touch her skin. And not lose his carefully kept control and just snatch her against his chest and never let go…

Because that's what Oliver wanted to do. He wanted to grab her hand and her waist, and just close the distance between their lips like he did after he asked her out. He wanted to feel that soft touch every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to smell her scent and know she was beside him, that he was hers, that she was in his life for the long haul, that he could just hug her or kiss her or make love to her and not feel like there were an army of enemies waiting to take her away and hurt her. He wanted a life where he was not the Arrow… but every time he saved a person from being raped or mauled or kidnaped, he recognized the reasons why he was doing what he was doing. Why he couldn't stop and just give up… it was like he said to Felicity, lives depended on him, on their work, on their team…

And the truth was Oliver was scared of letting her in and scare her away, because he still had skeletons in his closet and they could still haunt him after all those years… and she was so pure and light… and he couldn't make the shadow of his life, of his mistakes, tarnish her soul, even if doing that, he put his own in peril… He understood now what Sara meant, but he couldn't let himself give that step.

But apparently, Palmer could.

Oliver saw, while walking through Starling, Felicity and the man walking side by side. She was laughing and he was looking at her like she was precious. Oliver felt like he wanted to punch someone, especially himself… He turned his face when Palmer's face approached Felicity's and ran from the place like a bat from hell. His thoughts were too loud, his heart was beating too fast, his hands were fisting dangerously…

When he arrived at the new lair, only Diggle was there. He didn't know if he should count himself lucky or just turn around and leave once again.

"It looks like you need to beat something…" Diggle said and Oliver sighed, deciding to accept the invitation his friend was extending.

When, thirty minutes later, Oliver had to step back and grab an ice pack for Diggle's face, he sighed and let his frame fall to the mats on the floor.

"What brought all that anger out? Was that Atom guy the news keep talking about?" Dig asked, remembering the last few days' news where a new masked vigilante appeared in some neighborhoods, saving people from robberies and beating the robbers so bad all of them were in comas, barely alive.

Oliver had yet to meet the guy face to face, but he didn't like it one bit that someone was lurking in his town, beside himself, especially someone that beat people to a pulp.

"No…" Oliver grumbled, sitting again.

"Was it Felicity?" Dig asked and Oliver looked at him surprised.

"How did you…?"

"Well, since Palmer appeared in the picture you have been extra grumpy and extra physical, so it wasn't hard to figure out…" Dig said, shrugging his shoulders and taking the ice from his face to move his jaw and assess the damage.

Oliver sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"I saw them… while I was walking…" Oliver grumbled and Diggle chuckled.

"I'm really relieved my problems are giving you such amusement…" Oliver growled back and Diggle laughed louder.

"You are the only person to blame… Felicity gave you all the choices… It's not my fault or hers that you choose wrongly and Palmer choose correctly…" Diggle replied and Oliver sighed.

"You know why I did that…"

"No, I don't. You think you know why you did it, but it's a lie you are telling yourself. It's not for her own good or the city, it's for you! It's because you are freaking scared of messing this up, of letting yourself love her! You are only thinking about yourself, you are only trying to protect yourself!" Diggle stated, an accusing finger pointed at him. "Do you know what I said to her after you left her house? That she should move on! That she should be with someone else!" Diggle replied and he saw the fury appearing in Oliver's eyes. "And you know why I did that? Because I love that girl like she is my own sister. She has no one to take care of her or to support her when she is down and all you keep doing is or giving her the cold shower or being all possessive… She couldn't keep up with you! She was suffering because of you!" Diggle said and before Oliver could reply anything else, the older man was walking out of the lair.

Oliver growled and kicked the training dummy. Today was not his day, at all…

* * *

But then, in a particular night, everything changed.

He was following a lead in a drug dealer business, while Felicity guided him, Dig and Roy through a building where the group was supposed to be doing their business. When Oliver entered the building, it was easy to realize the men were much more prepared than the team thought. Besides the normal weaponry, the six guards had machine guns and flame-throwers. Oliver cursed under his breath, while he ran and threw himself through a window, towards the next building. He could hear the men running behind him, some of them giving up of jumping through the window and deciding to enter the building through the stairs and others readying themselves to follow his steps.

Dig's voice was yelling in his ear for him give up and retreat, but he was trapped, and waiting for Diggle and Roy's help was not possible right now. He could hear Felicity's heavy breathing and how she typed furiously in her computer, trying to find a way out. She was much closer than he wanted, being right by the corner of the street, inside their van, but she was stubborn and wanted to go with them, tired of being cooped in after her injuries with the explosion.

When Oliver reached the rooftop, he could hear the sounds of running behind him and three armed men appeared in the stairs. Oliver wondered where the other three were and hoped that Roy and Dig were taking care of them. When he turned around to fight the men, another male voice joined the noise. Oliver looked back and saw the man they called Atom walking towards him. Oliver wanted to ask him what he was doing here, but seeing his enemies run towards him made all the thoughts of a conversation flee his mind. But, to his surprise, instead of joining the rest, the Atom stood beside the Arrow and fought side by side until they were able of seeing the last man fall.

Oliver felt his knee give up under his weight. The wall behind him was the only thing still keeping him from falling. He saw the other man approach him, his arm half extended like he wanted to help him.

"Are you injured?" the man whispered and Oliver shook his head.

"Bad knee, old scar…" he grumbled under his breath.

"Now what? Are you going to fight me?" Atom asked and Oliver laughed humorlessly.

"What were you doing here?" Oliver asked.

"The same as you. I heard about the drugs and I wanted to stop the responsible for it…"

Then suddenly, a noise from one of the fallen enemy caught their attention. Oliver tried to run to protect the man in front of him, but he was quicker and was able of keeping the knife the enemy was grabbing from injuring him. However, he was not able of keeping the man from ripping his mask, before he pushed him over the roof towards the ground below.

Oliver gasped when the man turned.

"Palmer…" he said, forgetting that Felicity was still on the other side and only remembering that when her gasp echoed inside his ears.

Ray Palmer turned to look at Oliver, his eyes furious and ready to strike.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let anyone know who I am…" he said, running towards Oliver.

He would have killed him if it wasn't for an arrow expertly sent from a near building imbedding itself in Ray's arm and a second one in his torso.

Oliver rolled around, trying to see where the arrow came from, but finding nothing. His knee was pulsing and his injuries were starting to get a toll on him.

Then, he heard steps running inside his ear and the quick breathing of someone jogging. He wanted to tell her to stop, to not come here… but as soon as he thought that, her voice echoed.

"Don't you dare try to stop me!"

The door of the roof opened and Dig and Roy entered, freezing when they saw Ray Palmer with two arrows in his body and Oliver against the wall beside the door. They heard the man's name falling from Oliver's lips so Diggle had covered his head with a mask.

But, when the blonde hurricane entered the scene, pushing Dig and Roy aside, Ray's eyes that, until now, were calculating and cold, widened. He saw Felicity race toward the Arrow, the way her hands cupped his face, how she whispered her worried words and how the man smiled tentatively at her, trying to calm her down.

Ray Palmer could be a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. And as soon as he saw the way Felicity held the Arrow's face, how she ran to him and how her eyes shone with protectiveness and even love (even if it pained him to admit that) he knew who was the man under the hood.

Because she had never smiled at him like that, or spoke with such tenderness with him. She had never let him see her fragile nature, always keeping a wall of jokes and quick words from letting him see her inner being. Because only one man could make her crumble like that and at the same time look stronger than all the men in that roof combined.

"I should have known…" Palmer said, before using his zip-line to flee the place.


	6. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Ray bare their feelings and finally have a last conversation with no lies in between.

Felicity waited three days.

In the lair no one said Ray's name. It was like a taboo subject, even if she noticed Roy's mouth sometimes opening and then closing suddenly or how Dig looked at her like an older brother seeing his sister fighting with herself. Or even Oliver, whose eyes never left her more than a few seconds, and were the ones that made her the most anxious, because she remembered how her heart hammered when she heard the cold voice of Ray threatening Oliver and how, when she opened the door of the van and ran, or while she tried to jump the steps two at a time, her sole focus was not on the man she was kind of dating, but the one that said they couldn't be together, that it was too dangerous... All she could see was his green leather and how he always cringed after a fight, touching his knee. How he would seek her when he came from a mission to assure her everything was alright and they did their job well.

When, that night, Felicity woke up to a sudden sound in her previously silent house, her hand jumped to her bedside table and opened the drawer, taking out the gun and control that Sara and Nyssa gave her. Felicity tried to find her phone, remembering with dread that she left it in her kitchen table. She wanted to have it at hand so her finger could jump to her speed dial and have Oliver knowing what was going on. She rose slowly from the bed and tiptoed towards her living room, hoping she was not going to find a murderer with an axe waiting for her. There was a shadow in her couch that was not there before she went to bed. But no axe…

"I have a gun pointed at your head, so you better move slowly and tell me who you are and what the hell you are doing in my house." Felicity stated, thanking for her unwavering voice.

"It's me… Ray…" the man said, rising from the couch and turning around with his hands in the air. "You can drop the gun now."

Felicity let her arm drop, but didn't let go of the gun. She knew she could still rise it and shoot and for Ray's demeanor she saw he knew that too.

They stared at each other silently for a few moments. It was the opposite of how they normally acted around each other. But finding out something like that about a man that was usually always smiling was a big damper on things she normally did.

"I never thought that he could be the Arrow." Ray broke the tense silence, his voice sounding louder in the impeding dark room.

"And we never thought you could be the Atom." Felicity said, not missing the  _we_  that fell from her lips.

"I think it says a lot about what we do know about each other." Ray replied and Felicity felt like he slapped her in the face. He was right, no matter how many times they kissed or they went out, or the jokes they told each other, she could never trust him entirely. Not like she did with Oliver when they first met, even when she knew he was full of bullshit. The feeling was not there and not matter how much she tried to create it never would, she knew it.

"Ray, were you going to kill Oliver?" Felicity asked, her voice tense and worried.

Ray noticed her fingers clenching around the gun, while his silence echoed more loudly than all the shouts in the world.

"If I asked you to leave it all behind and join me, would you do it?" Ray asked suddenly, assessing her expression.

Felicity was shocked to say the least. She thought he came here to explain things, maybe apologize, but ask her to leave her team, her boys, Oliver, to join him, never passed through her mind.

"Would you do it? If I told you that I would kill your team, would you join me to protect them?" Ray asked with sudden cold and for a second Felicity shivered, in a moment he was talking softly and the next he looked more menacing than Oliver ever did, even during his Hood days.

But then, a sudden laugh erupted from her chest.

"You really don't know who you are talking about." Felicity said with certainty. "My team… no, my family fought against an army of super soldiers and they won, none of them would lose against you, and if they needed help we have more friends than you think." Felicity said, the thought of the control in her pajamas pocket flashing through her mind.

"Felicity, I really like you." Ray said, his demeanor changing once again to a familiar one and Felicity felt a pang inside her chest. She liked him too, but it was not enough, it would never be.

"Ray..." Felicity whispered.

The man nodded his head, biting the inside of his mouth.

"I understand." he whispered, a bit sadly. "It's him, isn't it?"

"What?" Felicity said, her heart beating fast inside her chest.

"Queen. You are in love with him." Ray explained. "I had noticed before how he looked at you. But I noticed how you looked at him too, especially during the meetings when he would get angry and it was like a look from you was enough to calm him down. I just couldn't understand if the two of you felt that way, why you weren't together, and so, I let myself believe it was my imagination, that you were just friends. But you are not and now I understand why. He kept you away to protect you. He is more unselfish than I gave him credit for... He put his happiness down for your own shot at it. But you are a martyr like him, and so you never let that happiness really reach you." Ray stated.

"We are not martyrs. We fight!" Felicity replied, mad at his words.

"You fight for others, but not for your relationship. I thought we could have it, but it was a naive dream." Ray said, before approaching her. He stopped beside her and kissed Felicity's cheek softly.

When Felicity turned around, he was no longer there, but her window was open.

Ray was right and Felicity knew it.

She thanked the heavens for being Sunday the next day, since she knew she would stay awake a great part of the night thinking about his words.

* * *

When, at 11 a.m., someone knocked on her front door, Felicity was not expecting to find a very uncomfortable looking Oliver with his hands inside his jeans and the point of his feet beating on the ground with a nervous tick. He smiled tentatively at her when she opened the door and asked him to enter. She saw how he acted like he hadn't lived here for months, in how he waited for her to ask him to sit or how she had to ask twice if he wanted the Marrakesh tea she knew he loved.

"What is going on?" Felicity asked, tired of the way Oliver's eyes were shining with guilt and sorrow. She hated to see that expression in his normally stoic face. Seeing him affected like that, made her think of the worst scenario possible.

"This morning, my lawyers called me to tell that Palmer signed the contract to give QC to the Queen family once again. When I asked how or why, they said he merely informed them he was going to pursuit a new business route in Germany…" Oliver informed, his voice trying to be as smooth as possible, Felicity noticed, probably in concern for her.

Felicity hummed and nodded her head in response.

"I'm sorry…" Oliver suddenly said.

"What for?" Felicity replied, confused at his words. He couldn't be blaming himself for Ray's choices, could he? God, if he was, Felicity thought she would have to physically shake him, badly.

"For destroying your happiness once again… I keep doing it, over and over… First by bringing you into this… then with the Count, and the Dollmaker and Slade and then all that happened after the explosions… I just keep screwing your life… And I'm so sorry for that… But I'm too selfish to ask you to give up… I just can't imagine the lair without you waiting for me or your inappropriate babble or how you smile at me… and I'm a dickhead for wanting those things and then not… and it's fucking confusing… but seeing you with him just made my blood boil and…" Oliver was already pacing in the middle of his rant, his thumb and forefinger moving in a blur, while his frame moved from a corner of her living room to the other.

Felicity was following his movements with shock, exasperation and a bit of trepidation. She didn't know which one she could point as the reason for the flutter inside her belly, so she decided to ignore that particular part.

And then, Oliver's rant was interrupted by Felicity's cellphone. She tried to ignore it, while Oliver's eyes danced between her and the object ringing in the kitchen.

"Do you want to answer it?" Oliver asked when it stopped ringing and the sound of an incoming message echoed.

"No, just continue, Oliver!" she almost ordered and Oliver froze in place. It was now or never. He opened his mouth, but his own phone beat him to it.

"Damn it!" he said, ignoring the ringing.

But then, Felicity's home phone ringed as well and they looked at each other. It was a damn coincidence that people were trying to reach them at the same time. She tried to get the phone before it stopped ringing, but she was too late. But Oliver was quicker and fishing his phone from his pocket he saw Roy's name in the screen.

"You better have a great reason!" Oliver growled and Roy's voice answered immediately, while Felicity jumped beside Oliver to hear the conversation.

"Lyla is in labor!" the younger man yelled and Felicity's eyes widen.

"That's a great reason…"


	7. Part VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Diggle is born and Oliver's feelings finally explode.

"Do you think they are going to be okay?" Felicity asked, her feet against the pedal moving down.

Oliver was sitting beside her. His seat totally pulled backwards, but still, his legs were crooked awkwardly so he could fit into her mini.

"It's Diggle and Lyla, they will be fine… They are a great team… and they are a great family…"

"Are we a great team too?" Felicity blurted. "Sorry, just ignore I said that. Now is not the time, now the important things are Lyla and the baby, and Dig obviously, but since he is not the one popping a baby out of him..." Felicity babbled and Oliver felt a pang in his chest for another missed opportunity.

When they arrived at the hospital, Roy was waiting for them in the entrance.

"I was with Dig when Lyla called." he explained, while walking through the corridors towards the waiting room. "He is already inside with her and we have to wait until they give us some news."

They waited for three long painful hours. By the end of it, Felicity's nail polish was just a memory, Oliver was pale and circumspect and Roy was viciously chewing in the chord of his hoodie.

And, then, Diggle appeared, with a tired face, but a content smile on his lips.

"I have a son!" he announced and Felicity jumped from her chair to hang herself from his tick neck.

"Congratulations, man!" Oliver said in a heartfelt voice, clasping Diggle's shoulder.

"So, when can we see the little Digglet?" Roy asked and Oliver rolled his eyes.

"Now. They are letting Lyla rest for a bit, so they are putting him in another room." Dig said and the rest of the group followed him.

When Dig stopped in front of a big window, where they could see ten other babies, Felicity immediately spotted Andy, his skin color a beautiful mixture of his parents, his small nose wrinkling in the most adorable way and his dark eyes just like his father's.

A nurse inside the room gestured for Dig to enter and it was such an odd sight to see his big arms surrounding such a small bundle, that Felicity giggled. Roy was a few feet away from them, far enough so Oliver's voice didn't carry to his ears.

"When I was 21 I got a girl pregnant." he whispered suddenly in a sad voice and Felicity looked at him shocked. "It was not Laurel, and she lost the baby anyway, but sometimes I wonder..." he sighed. She could see the pain that the memory still brought him appearing in his eyes.

"You would have been an amazing father, Oliver." Felicity said in a truthful voice. Oliver looked down, shocked. He didn't see judgment or disappointment in her eyes, and it, more than anything else, sealed his decision.

"Hey guys, look at him!" Roy pointed excitedly, when Dig opened the door and walked out.

"Meet Aunt Felicity, Uncle Oliver and Uncle Roy, kiddo…" Dig said, grabbing the small hand and making a waving movement.

"He is perfect, John…" Felicity chocked out, while her eyes brimmed with happiness.

"We will help you in anything you need!" Oliver offered, his hand once again in Dig's shoulder and the two men shared a manly nod.

"Can't wait to see what kind of trouble this kid will get himself into!" Roy laughed and three pairs of eyes looked at him with disapproval. "Which I will have nothing to do with, at all…" he quickly backtracked and Felicity laughed.

"Well, do you want to hold him?" Diggle asked and Felicity jumped with her arms outstretched.

She was a natural at it, her arms surrounding the bundle without Dig's indications and bringing it against her chest, while cooing softly at him.

Oliver felt a lump rise inside his throat.

"I think it's better if I get this baby to his mother… I don't want to be responsible for a mass murderer of hospital staff…" Diggle laughed, after Felicity gave him the baby again.

Roy started following the man and Felicity would have done the same thing if it wasn't for Oliver's hand grabbing her wrist.

"You can go on, we will join you in a few moments…" Oliver said when Roy turned around and Felicity looked at him surprised. Diggle didn't spare him a look, but he could swear he saw the man sigh.

Without another word, Oliver almost dragged her towards the closest emergency exit. Opening the door, they found themselves in a stair lightened with a greenish light.

"What's going on?" Felicity asked when Oliver let go of her hand to start pacing in the small place.

"I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of trying to be the good guy, the unselfish one… I hated seeing you with Palmer, I wanted to punch him, but more than that I wanted to punch myself, because it could have been me, if I had done another choice when I was faced with it. But I didn't… And I didn't because I was too scared… I was afraid of losing you, I was afraid of tarnishing your light with my darkness… I lied about what happened after the explosions…" Oliver said and Felicity looked at him, surprised.  _He lied? About what?_

"When I found the man... I was no longer in control of myself... I was no longer the Arrow, I was a wild animal. I didn't want to just kill him, I wanted to rip his limbs and make him suffer, I wanted to laugh while he begged for mercy and deny it over and over again. It was nothing like with the Count or Slade, because in those moments I could see you, I knew you were alive and not in a hospital bed in a coma. Being able to see you or hear your voice inside my ear made all the difference." Oliver confessed and Felicity grabbed his arms to keep him in front of her.

"But you didn't... You gave him into custody. Why was that?" Felicity asked, no sign of fear or horror in her blue eyes, like Oliver was expecting to find after his confession.

"I was going to, but then, when I stepped forward, I felt something prick me in the chest. After you entered the hospital, they gave me your jewelry and it was your piercing that I kept in my pocket that grounded me." Oliver stated and Felicity looked up at him with a proud smile that made him the more confused.

"You were angry, furious, but I don't think you would have killed that man, if you were so bent on revenge it wouldn't be a simple piercing that would stop you. You had it in you, you just needed a little reminder." Felicity squeezed his arms and Oliver gasped. She was going to ask what happened when suddenly his lips were touching hers. It was not a soft kiss like the previous one they shared, this one was bruising, passionate and desperate. Oliver pulled her against his body while she fisted his jacket and pushed him against the wall. It was like he was trying to make her understand his inner nature, his secrets and fears. No walls, no barriers, for the very first time.

"Oliver, wait!" she was able of making him stop with just two words and when he looked at her with dark eyes and her lipstick over his lips, she felt the burning inside of her grow, like a dragon being unleashed.

"Oliver, I have to be sure that you really mean this…  ** _us_**. I won't let myself hurt again because of you. You have to be sure if I got an injury in a fight with the new archer, or if I fall from my ladder or if I break a nail opening the lair door that you won't go back on your decision and leave me again. You have one shot with me from now on, remember that!" Felicity made her point clear.

"I'm selfish and I'm going to fight for what I want since a long time ago. I will want you by my side in every fight, helping me defeating every enemy. I can't imagine my life without you, but I can't keep pushing you away. Every night I dream of you dying in my arms, and I'm tired of always be afraid. I want to start living!" Oliver sighed, his forehead falling against hers. "I want you to help me be a better man. I want to grow old with you. I want the first thing I see in the morning to be your smile. I want you, Felicity Megan Smoak, and I will grovel and beg until you think I'm worth the shot…" Oliver stated, his hands cupping her cheeks.

"Oh…" Felicity replied, her expression a precise copy of the one she had in the mansion after Oliver's confession. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was round. Oliver would have laughed at the similarities if he didn't feel like his stomach was ready to release everything he had inside.

And then, Felicity punched him in the face.

Oliver stepped back, shocked and scared, but before he could go farther, Felicity grabbed his arms and pulled him down, planting her lips over his. He responded quickly, surrounding her waist and pulling her up. Felicity surrounded his waist with her legs and locked her ankles against his backside.

Oliver kissed her lips and nose and cheeks, and Felicity trailed her mouth down to his chin and neck, biting slowly.

"Shit, Felicity!" he growled and suddenly, she was on her feet and Oliver was backing away quickly.

She looked at him, hurt, when her eyes landed on the reason for his distance and she smirked smugly.

"Seeing something you like?" he asked and Felicity blushed to the roots of her hair.

She hide the blush by taking a handkerchief to clean Oliver's lips from all the fuchsia lipstick.

Oliver smiled at her, taking the cloth from her hands and cleaning her as good as he could under the greenish light. Felicity smiled softly at him, when his thumb stroked the corner of her lips and in a bold move she licked it and saw his eyes darken.

"You are gonna be the death of me!" Oliver groaned and Felicity giggled, following him outside of the emergency exit stair.

When they entered Lyla's room, it took immediately two seconds for Roy to explode in a booming laughter. Oliver's brows scrunched at him and it only made the younger man laugh more. Diggle was trying to suppress his chuckles and Lyla was hiding her face behind Andy's body.

"Man, pink is so not you color… You better clean that chin and neck…" Roy said between fits of laughter and Felicity blushed while Oliver tried to clean the lips marks.

"So I take you are good?" Diggle asked and saw with relieve Oliver's hand search Felicity's and their fingers intertwine.

"As long as he doesn't like an idiot…" Felicity sighed and Oliver smiled down at her.

"Hey, I promise you…" he said softly, squeezing her fingers.


	8. Part VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where are they five years in the future and how did the past changed them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, the present will be five years in the future, but we will learn about Thea, Malcolm and Ra's al Ghul through flashbacks.   
> And Ra's will have a secret connection with our favorite blonde...

Felicity was cleaning some old boxes, trying to get some space in her study when a knock on the door sounded and made her look up.

"Hey, can I come in?" Thea's head popped into the room and Felicity smiled.

"Sure, I'm just trying to get some space in here…" Felicity answered watching the younger woman entering the room.

Thea let her body fall over the couch and closed her eyes.

"I just need some peace… The boys are being boys and I can't hear their screams anymore… Seriously, I love them, but if I have to hear one more argument about who is the best player I'm gonna start arrowing people…" Thea sighed and Felicity chuckled.

She kept touching things, thinking about their destiny, while Thea made her presence almost invisible.

"Oh!" Felicity exclaimed, seeing an old photograph inside of an envelope.

"What's that?" Thea asked, opening her eyes and Felicity extended her the picture.

In that, Felicity and Oliver were together, under the lights of a gazebo, with their eyes filled with hope and care, ignorant of what would happen only a few minutes later.

"When was it taken?" Thea asked and Felicity sighed.

* * *

_She could remember how shocked she was when she found out Oliver had received the photo while she was in the hospital and then kept it with him while they were not together again. When she found it inside his bedside table she smiled at him, softly, and he grabbed an empty frame, where he put the photo. The frame stood in Felicity's fireplace until they moved to the mansion._

* * *

The period of Thea's "disappearing" as they preferred to call her time with her biological father was still a sore spot for any member of the Queen Family.

Felicity could still remember clearly how the archer that appeared suddenly in Starling City started confounding them. He acted as two different persons, which helped them reach the conclusion it probably were two of them, one that just saved Oliver from Ray and the other that started dropping bodies in front of Oliver's friends' houses. It was a dark time indeed.

* * *

_Diggle was the first one that received a note with an arrow, blaming him for letting the Arrow run free through the city. Beside the arrow a body of a dirty body-guard was found._

_Next was Laurel, blaming her for not imprison him when her job was exactly that. With the note the body of a lawyer known for his sketchy schemes._

_When Roy appeared with an arrow and the note that blamed him for hero-worshiping a criminal and the body of a street tug, Oliver could already see who would be next._

_He tried to improve the security in Felicity's house and made sure she always had him or Dig or Roy watching her steps. But even with all that, they were still unable of stopping the culprits. And this time, it was worst, they were able of entering her house. Until now, the bodies were left in the street, but not with her. With Felicity, they entered her house and left the body in her couch, wearing Oliver's clothes. When she arrived home and found it, with blood pooling on the floor, for the first second she thought it was him, they were similar enough and she screamed. When Dig heard the scream and turned back to find her frozen in the middle of the living room, he immediately called the rest of the Team._

_They were being targeted and they had to do something._

_When Felicity found a whisper of a rumor surrounding the two archers, specially delivered by a member of the League, about their abilities resembling the ones from Malcolm Merlyn, Felicity immediately put the option on the table, that maybe, Merlyn was alive after all._

_Oliver didn't want to believe that._

_"_ _People thought you were dead too… and Sara… and Slade… would it really be that weird for Malcolm to be alive?" Felicity asked and Oliver sighed._

_"_ _And who could be the second archer?" Laurel had asked when they brought the subject to her knowledge. Having the DA on your side had some ups, especially when you thought some crazy killer was spying on you and dropping bodies left and right._

_Felicity remembered looking at Oliver, their thoughts coinciding in a scary theory that turned Oliver cold inside._

_"_ _Thea…" Felicity whispered and Laurel looked at her like she was crazy._

_"_ _You are not kidding…" she whispered, noticing the Team Arrow's serious expressions._

_"_ _She already had skill in archery, she used to go to tournaments and dad taught her when she was younger…If Merlyn is really alive, under his tutelage she would bloom into a scary adversary… She is driven enough..." Oliver said and the rest of them felt the implications of it._

_"_ _The League will know about this…" Diggle said._

_"_ _They already know…" a voice stated from behind them and they turned around to face Sara and Nyssa, both of them sporting black leathery clothes and a serious expression._

_"_ _Sara!" Felicity exclaimed happily, while Laurel hugged her sister. "Nyssa! I missed you guys!" she said, hugging the two assassins, oblivious to the others' shocked expressions when she approached Nyssa al Ghul like that._

_"_ _Felicity, did you use our gifts properly?" the assassin asked and Felicity cringed._

_"_ _Well, I pointed the gun at someone if that's what you are saying, but I killed no one…" she said and Nyssa sighed. Once again the others' expressions were lost on Felicity._

_When she turned around she found her boyfriend with a dumbstruck expression._

_"_ _What? I'm friends with members of the League of Assassins, big deal…" she said, shrugging her shoulders._

_"_ _Who are you and what have you done with Felicity Smoak?" Roy asked and Felicity smiled at him, while rolling her eyes._

_After that small moment of reprieve, the group joined to discuss the knowledge they had, when Nyssa made an unexpected announcement._

_"_ _My father is coming to Starling City… He estimates his presence will be much more abrasive to our enemies' plans…"_

_Felicity looked at Oliver to access his reaction. Having the possibility of his sister being with Malcolm while they were being considered enemies of Ra's al Ghul was not something she was comfortable with. And neither was he, if the fury in his eyes and his ticking jaw were of any indication._

_"_ _We don't know what they want…"Oliver growled, his eyes flaming._

_"They have been dropping bodies around your allies. Are you no longer worried about the number of killings? Or his your sister's alliance with Malcolm Merlyn the thing that is keeping you from taking more decisive decisions?" Nyssa asked with coldness and everyone looked at Oliver._

_"My sister's safety is the most important thing right now." he replied and Nyssa shook her head with mirth._

_"You are a fool, Oliver Queen. Thanks to you, the woman with whom you are holding hands right now is going to be probably dead by the end of the year, and then, I will want to see what your words will be."_

_"Nyssa!" Sara exclaimed, horrified._

_"I am merely acknowledging what's in everyone's mind." Nyssa said, with a delicate shrug of her shoulders._

* * *

"It was while you were away." Felicity replied after a moment of silence. "It was our first date. Which ended with me in a coma and your brother being a moron." she said with a small smile. It was easier now to joke about that night, but for weeks after getting together any reference to that day in a joking manner was met with grouchy faces from Oliver.

Felicity sighed, her hands jumping to her lumbar spine when a sudden pain appeared.

"Hey, are you okay? Do you want me to go grab some water or food? Maybe you should rest." Thea said, closing the distance between them in a second.

"Please, don't. I can't take another Queen hovering." Felicity replied, sitting behind her desk.

"Technically, you are a Queen." Thea pointed out with a smug smile, but still some worry in her eyes.

"It's Smoak-Queen. The hyphen makes all the difference." Felicity chuckled and Thea rolled her eyes with mirth.

"By the way, I heard Oliver saying Sara will come here next week." Thea said, trying to be nonchalant, but failing completely.

Since five years ago, any mention of The League, Sara or Nyssa provoked a tension in Thea that only disappeared when she saw that the two women were not here to imprison her.

Felicity couldn't blame her, she still had some trouble remembering that period of time. It was hard and painful, for both of them.

* * *

_Nyssa gave them no way out. Ra's al Ghul was coming to their city and there was nothing they could do to stop it. All they could and would do was trying to talk with the man and make him understand that if Thea was really with Malcolm it was not by her own choice, that she was innocent._

_"Oliver?" Felicity called him softly in the middle of the night, feeling his tense and restless body beside her. She was sure he was awake, through the way his back showed the tension in his muscles and how his breathing was not a regular one, but nonetheless, she wanted to give him a way out._

_When he turned around to face her, even if she couldn't discern his face in the darkness, she was sure he was looking at her._

_"Hey. Sorry I woke you." he whispered, his fingers tracing the fallen strands of blonde hair in front of her face._

_"Don't worry, I couldn't sleep either." Felicity sighed._

_"I don't know what to do." Oliver whispered suddenly._

_Felicity's mind raced. The last time she heard that tone of defeat they were in a clock tower, watching Slade start his revenge._

_Felicity rose from her laying position and sat with her legs crossed Asian style in front of Oliver. She felt him mimic her actions. Facing each other, Felicity grabbed his hands with hers._

_"When we were in that clock tower and you used that same tone of voice I told you I believed in you, that you were not alone. Tonight I feel the same way, and more, because I believe not only in you, but in us and in Thea. I believe she is scared and hurt and probably Malcolm warped her mind in a field of confusion. But I believe she will make the right choices when the time comes. I believe she will chose to stand beside the brother she loves and not the psycho father." Felicity said, bringing his knuckles against her lips and kissing them._

_"_ _Do you want to be there when we meet Ra's al Ghul?" Oliver asked and Felicity cocked her head to the side._

_"_ _I don't think we have much choice…" Felicity replied._

_"_ _But do you want to?" Oliver insisted and Felicity realized he was trying to discern if she was there to support him or because Ra's would chase her too._

_"_ _Seriously, have you been listening to me? Didn't I make myself clear, you clueless man?" Felicity asked, kneeling in front of Oliver and bringing her hands do cup his face. "I will stand by you always… unless you try to arrow my computers, then, we have to break up…" Felicity said, and Oliver for the first time since they realized the true identity of the archers smiled._

_"_ _You are remarkable, Felicity…" Oliver whispered reverently, kissing her neck and trailing towards her lips._

_Felicity giggled under his ministrations and for the rest of the night they were able of building a bubble where no one from the outside world could enter._


	9. Part IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Connor enters the picture, just like Ra's al Ghul.

**Part IX**

* * *

"Fiss!" a young boy's sounded from the hallway and Felicity rose her head to look at Thea.

"There's no rest for the warriors." Thea joked and Felicity rolled her eyes.

"I'm here!" Felicity replied and the sound of running steps echoed until the door was suddenly open to reveal a boy with light brown hair and blue eyes.

"Fiss! You shouldn't hide like this. Dad was worried!" the boy said and the two women sighed.

"Your father knew exactly where I was. He just wanted an excuse to send you to fetch me, because he knows I can't resist your charm, Connor." Felicity smiled at the boy, while he closed the distance between them.

"I told you, you should have waited for me to come off age and then marry me… but you choose to settle with dad…" Connor sighed in a fake depressed voice that made Felicity explode with laughter until a sudden movement in her belly made her stop and gasp.

Connor was beside her in an instant, followed by Thea.

"Are you okay? Is that the twins? Are they okay?" Connor asked, kneeling in front of Felicity and putting his ear against her enormous belly.

"They just kicked… at the same time… crazy kids. I blame your father for that…" Felicity said and Connor shrugged his shoulders.

"My mom used to say I was like a roller-coaster inside her belly, so it must be true…" Connor replied, and then a shadow of sadness appeared in his eyes.

Felicity knew it too well. She had met Sandra while she was alive, after Oliver found out about Connor and they had a cordial relationship, a friendship even. They would talk about Connor's school and his last achievements and Sandra would ask how Felicity was going with her work and trying to keep Oliver from mingling in her Applied Science projects. They would laugh together. Until the accident. A car accident that ripped Sandra from their lives and took Connor's mother from him. From then on, he lived with them, totally at home, especially knowing how much his mother liked the present Queen family, but, the pain of losing her would always be present. Felicity was all too aware of it, thanks to her own circumstances, so she made sure to show Connor how much she loved him and how much he meant to her, like he was her own son, but never trying to replace his mother.

"Are you sure? You are pretty big. Aren't you going to pop out the kids now, are you?" Thea asked and Felicity laughed, imagining just how big a scream Thea would release if she dirtied her shoes with amniotic fluid.

"I am sure! We have two months until I  _pop out_ the kids." Felicity sighed and rose from her chair.

"Fiss!" Connor called again, while Felicity restarted her cleaning duty. "Is aunt Sara coming next week? And Nyssa too?"

"Yes, honey. They want to be here for Christmas since Nyssa's family is not really big on it and Sara misses Quentin and Laurel." Felicity said. Even if she was Jewish, Connor was a lover of all Christmas related and she would make everything she could to make it perfect for him.

"Hey, she misses us too! I hope Nyssa tells me more of those stories. She could be a great writer, you know, like Rowling. Hum, I bet her dad is really awesome." Connor hummed and Felicity and Thea traded a quick look.

"She is always using him as a great warrior in her stories, maybe he knows how to fight or was in a war." Connor mused, while Felicity recalled the first time she saw Ra's al Ghul.

* * *

_Oliver was gripping her hand almost painfully, cutting the circulation to her fingers. Felicity rose her brows and nodded towards her pale hand. Oliver's brows furrowed and he lightened the pressure, without releasing her fingers for what she was grateful._

_In front of them, Diggle and Roy sat with their arms crossed over their chest in a protective posture. None of them was enjoying particularly the limo that stopped in front of Felicity's house to bring all of them to Ra's al Ghul's presence._

_She knew Sara would be there with Nyssa. The woman sent her a text message trying to calm her, but Felicity's frayed nerves were not calmer after Sara's words, if something they were worse, because the other blonde felt the need to send to her phone soothing words. It was never a good sign…_

_When the car stopped in front of a two-story dark and looming house, Roy looked through the window and whistled sarcastically. Its walls were dark grey, the windows shut and two men were positioned in front of the door in dark suits._

_"_ _Family Adams much?" Roy asked to no one and Felicity looked over his shoulder to see the threatening building._

_"_ _Let's go…" Diggle said, after looking at each member of the team and making sure they were ready._

_Oliver was the first one to step out of the car, his hand never leaving Felicity's. After she was by his side, Diggle and Roy left through the door, creating a wall in Felicity's right side. The four of them looked like an army waiting for the enemies' first assault._

_"_ _This way, please…" a man in a dark suit said from the other side of the car, pointing towards the front door of the house. Felicity noticed how he moved smoothly, like a dancer and compared him to her boys' fighting styles. Not even Oliver, that could move like a cat had the same delicacy of movements. Felicity only knew one person that moved liked that and she was walking towards them in that precise moment._

_"_ _He is waiting for you, inside…" Sara said, in a serious tone. And Felicity noticed the men's rigid stance._

_They followed Sara and the woman winked at Felicity that smiled back at her._

_"_ _Don't worry…" Sara whispered to all of them, before they were ushered into another room while Sara stayed outside._

_The assassins made the team stop in front of an empty iron table._

_"_ _Deposit your weapons over this table." The man that spoke with them initially pointed._

_Diggle took two gun from a holster inside his jacket and another one from his calf._

_Roy shrugged his shoulders and spun around. "The only weapon I fight with is too big to be in me…" he grumbled and Felicity smiled, imagining the boy trying to hide a bow inside his hoodie. Maybe he could buy one of those colorful ones for kids and try it._

_Oliver took two gun from his leather jacket and three knives from holsters in his legs._

_When the man turned around to face Felicity, she rose her brows._

_"_ _You too, Miss Smoak."_

_"_ _Me? I don't carry guns…" Felicity laughed and the man pointed at her black bag._

_"_ _If what we know about you is correct, then your weapon is inside that bag. Please, hand your tablet and other electrical devices you might have."_

_"_ _What do you expect me to do? Bring down the energy of the building? Enter your bank's account and clean all your money? Geez, where is trust this days?" Felicity rambled, while putting her bag over the table. "So you don't think I wired the bag too…" she scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She could see Roy trying to suppress a smile, while Diggle sighed at her. Oliver closed the distance between them and put a hand against her waist._

_"_ _Easy…" he whispered at her and she deflated a bit._

_The man opened the door and they found Sara waiting for them. She restarted walking and they followed in silence. Oliver and Diggle were looking around trying to see any kind of way out from that maze, while Roy observed the men walking behind them and Felicity tried to see if there were any Internet rooters or some kind of protective system in the house._

_When Sara stopped in front of a sliding door and opened it, Felicity couldn't stop the gasp that fell from her lips. And she noticed the rest of the team was awed as well._

_A huge cherry tree full of blossoming flowers loomed over a big patio. It was surrounded by wood catwalks and other sliding doors, and that's when Felicity realized what the inside of the house was meant to be._

_"_ _It's a dojo…" she gasped, walking towards the illuminated garden, her eyes shining._

_"_ _Yes, it is, Miss Smoak…" a voice said from behind them and Felicity felt Oliver jump. He hadn't noticed the other person's presence and that, more than anything, told her immediately who it was. "I pride myself in keeping some of my roots intact… especially the honor behind them…"_

_The man was walking slowly and silently, it looked like not even his clothes made a noise. When the shadows receded and Ra's al Ghul appeared, Felicity shivered. The man wore a black cloak with golden works around the opening. His fingers were long and slim, but strong, with a golden ring hiding the majority of his left index finger and others with a menacing aspect. She noticed he had no weapons with him, but she couldn't be sure if it was for the honor he mentioned before, since they didn't have theirs or if he thought he wouldn't need them._

_His hair was black with some white strikes and the beard was the purest black Felicity ever saw. She wondered if he dyed it, but the mere thought of that man near dyeing paint was ludicrous._

_"_ _Mr. Queen, Mr. Diggle, Mr. Harper and Miss Smoak…" Ra's al Ghul nodded at each one of them, and when he reached Felicity he smiled and bowed slightly, making her shiver again. Behind him, they could see Sara and Nyssa side by side, with their backs straight. "it's under my knowledge we have an enemy in common by the name of Malcolm Merlyn… or The Dark Archer as he has been preferring…" Ra's said._

_He walked towards the open sliding door._

_"_ _It's a pity your younger sister is under his command… Mr. Queen…" Oliver tensed beside Felicity and she grabbed his hand and squeezed it._

_"_ _If my sister is accompanying Merlyn, it's not by her own choice. He probably brainwashed her, so he could control her… it's not her fault…" Oliver tried to say calmly, but failing miserably._

_"_ _Yes, she is a good person, she is a hero, not a villain, it was that bastard that manipulated her!" Roy stated and Felicity looked at Diggle and without words conveyed her message. Diggle nodded, he had already made some approaches to Roy's position in case he had to stop him from making a reckless move._

_"_ _Mr. Queen, Mr. Harper, I understand your emotional state in this situation. It's a terrible loss when one of your family members goes and does something to endanger all you fought for… but you can't be blind to what is happening here. Your fear of acting will keep putting body over body in front of your houses… I know you are conscious people, are you ready to let people die for one's mistake?" Ra's said and Felicity was sure he was speaking from experience. She wondered if he had a sister, a wife or another daughter that might have met a not so happy ending for her actions and she shuddered. Oliver and Roy would not survive if they were the responsible ones for Thea's death._

_"_ _Nyssa and Ta-er Sah-fer told me about your fight with the man called Slade Wilson. They told me about the sacrifices you had to do. Are you ready to sacrifice once again the woman you love, Mr. Queen? Or you, Mr. Diggle, would you sacrifice your wife and child? Think about that… I'm a fair man, I give my adversaries a choice… If you chose right, it's all done, but if you chose wrong, not all the demons on hell could keep you from my punishment. I'm here to kill Malcolm Merlyn and rectify my own mistakes, and everyone who tries to stop me will be killed… painfully…" the man concluded and before they could say anything else, he walked away, a mere shadow once again._

_It was like the four of them defrost, as soon as the man disappeared, they breathed deeply, and their shoulders sagged. Felicity noticed that she couldn't feel the hand Oliver was holding and she flexed her fingers to restart the circulation. Looking around, they saw Sara and Nyssa still in the room._

_"_ _Wow…" Felicity whispered and Sara smiled sadly._

_"_ _That's The Demon's Head…" Sara whispered._


	10. Part X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we finally know why Felicity mattered so much to Ra's...

**Part X**

* * *

 

Thea started smirking a second before the door knob turned and a man in jeans and an old t-shirt entered with worried eyes.

"Oh, there you are!" he sighed, looking at Felicity with a smile. "Wait! What the hell is going on in here? Were you cleaning the study by yourself? What if you fell? Or something fell on you! I thought you were napping!" Oliver's voice was getting louder with each word, while Felicity observed him patiently.

When he finally shut up, Felicity found her opportunity to speak.

"I had a chair next to me in case I got tired, these were just papers, not heavy stuff. I just wanted to get some space to put the cribs." Felicity explained and Oliver's eyes closed momentarily.

"Okay, but next time you want to be part of House Extreme Makeover just ask for some help, alright?" Oliver asked and Felicity sighed before nodding.

"Seriously, I can't wait to see you when the contractions start." Thea joked and Oliver grumbled at her.

"That's why we decided on using painkillers." Oliver said smugly and Felicity nodded quickly.

"Yup, if there are painkillers involved count me in. Science rocks!" Felicity said, tickling Connor that laughed at her.

Oliver closed the distance between him and Felicity and, extending his arm, brought her body against his.

"Will the lady accompany me to the garden? There's a beautiful day awaiting for you…" he whispered in her ear and Felicity giggled under her breath.

"There are kids present!" Thea said, ushering Connor out of the door. "Maybe we should give them some privacy, kid…"

"It's so good to see her joking like that…" Oliver sighed, kissing Felicity's temple. Both of them were looking at the place Thea was just moments ago.

"She is a strong person, all the Queens are, really…" Felicity winked at him and Oliver smiled softly.

"It's hard to remember when she was with Merlyn… She was not Thea, not my baby sister…" Oliver sighed.

"Hey, you can't think like that! It was long and painful, but Thea is back now! She was able of fighting her own demons and come out stronger!" Felicity replied with heat in her words and a shine in her eyes. It was not the first time she showed just how proud she was of Thea's victory.

And even if she was still waiting for her own victory, she didn't lost her hope.

* * *

_The days following the meeting with Ra's al-Ghul were the harshest for their team. Oliver and Roy snapped at each other with vicious quickness, Diggle tried to balance their fighting natures in the lair while Felicity did that out of the lair, letting Oliver vent when they were at home or taking Roy out for a burger or just to see the newest Expendables movie. She had a way with them and when, the next day, they would see each other some kind of apology was traded… until the next time… because their fights were consequences of a circle repeated every day until they made a decision…_

_They couldn't stop Ra's, it was madness and they would die, but they couldn't fight Thea either, it was against their natural instincts, she was their family…_

_They held one more meeting with Ra's al Ghul, this time in the looming lair, much different from the imposing dojo they had been in before._

_Felicity noticed how the man appeared not to pay any mind to the place where they stood, because he probably was in worse places than this one…_

_"We agree in helping you in finding and imprisoning Malcolm Merlyn, but we want something in return. We want Thea Queen's fate in our hands. We will decide what is done with her. That's our proposition." Oliver said in a cold voice. Beside him, Felicity shivered._

_"You really think I can't do this without you? That I,that trained the man, couldn't defeat him? You want me to give you a person that could be a follower of the Dark Archer? Do you think me a fool?" Ra's al Ghul said, his voice low, but nonetheless menacing._

_"We have allies that could help or harden your mission." Oliver said. It was a shot in the dark, Amanda Waller only said the presence of the League was a concern for her as well, so they hoped if things went south that ARGUS could be of some help._

_Ra's looked at all of them, his eyes lingering a bit longer in Felicity._

_"We will take care of her, we will help her." Roy begged._

_"What if you can't, Mr. Harper? What if she is too far gone?"_

_"We love her, we will help her see the reason." Roy replied._

_"Please." Felicity whispered._

_"Love." Ra's al Ghul drawled. "Love makes people suffer. It makes people loose their focus. Sometimes it makes a father never return to his daughter, because he wants to protect her." in that moment the man's eyes were on Felicity and she felt her heart freeze. What was he talking about? Why was he looking at her like that?_

_"You are remarkably similar with your mother, Miss Smoak." Ra's said and Felicity felt Oliver tense beside her. "But you have your father's heart. It didn't end well for him, and I'm afraid it won't end well for you."_

_Felicity was frozen in the spot. Her brain working a mile an hour, trying to understand what was going on._

_"Father?" Nyssa called, confusion in her voice. She was standing right next to the stairs, waiting for a clarification._

_"Miss Smoak's father saved my life a long time ago. He was an incredible operative, not exactly a member of our league, but close enough to be regarded as a trusted man." Ra's al Ghul explained. "I own him a life debt. You can have your little girl, but don't forget, if she steps out of line we will know. And if she tries to protect her father and dies in battle I won't be held responsible.". The man turned around to walk out._

_"Wait!" Felicity yelled, running to place herself in front of the man._

_"You knew my father?! Tell me!" she begged._

_Ra's al Ghul looked at her for a few moments, and then started walking towards the exit, leaving Felicity behind with doubts swirling in her mind and heart._

_Oliver, Diggle and Roy ran to her, while Sara stood between the group and Nyssa unsure of what to do._

_"Go..." the Heir to the Demon whispered not in an unkind way and Sara ran to her old team, while Nyssa followed her father out._

_Felicity's eyes were glued to the floor, her shoulders tense and her hands in trembling fists. She looked up towards the lair door and before anyone could stop her, she started running up the stairs._

_"Wait! You wait now!" she yelled, running towards the car to what Nyssa was walking slowly. The woman turned around to see the blonde one running and passing her. She opened the back door and sat beside the man eyeing her with surprise._

_"You can't just drop a bomb like that and then waltz away like it was nothing! You own me explanations! Who was my father? What was his job? Was he an assassin? How did he save your life?" Felicity asked._

_Ra's evaluated her with shrewd eyes. His expression told nothing while Felicity looked at him with trepidation._

_"If you can keep your promise of keeping Thea Queen under control I will give you the information. I promise on my honor."_

_"When will you do that?" Felicity replied in a breathy voice._

_"When I see fit. When I see her as no longer a danger ."_

_Felicity wanted to say more, but she felt hands pulling her out of the car. They were kind, if a bit cold._

_"That's enough, Felicity." Nyssa whispered, while removing her from her father's car. "Go to Oliver, he is waiting for you. All of them are."_

_Looking back, Felicity could see the team waiting for her, with Oliver's stance unsure if he should stay put or go to her. But Sara's hand kept him in place and she thanked her friend for that. She needed this time with Ra's al Ghul._

_"I will be waiting." Felicity said, before turning her back to the man._

_When she reunited with the team, Oliver's hand found hers immediately and Felicity sighed at his warm fingers._

_"_ _Are you okay?" he asked softly and Felicity smiled at them._

_"_ _Of course I am…" she replied and four pair of brows furrowed at her with skepticism._

_"_ _I am…" she whispered. "Look, I lived my entire life without depending on my father… now, maybe I will find out about his life and his work, but I won't let that rule my life, okay? We have more important stuff to focus on…" she said looking at each other and making sure they understood her choice._

_They nodded slowly, their eyes glued to her face and she smiled at their understanding._

_"_ _Now, let's find Thea!" Felicity said, pumping her fist in the air._

_"_ _I will act as a bridge between The League and your searches. Together we will be able of finding her…" Sara said immediately, giving Felicity the way out she needed._

_But it was harder than they thought. Malcolm could find allies in many places, old criminals that had a vengeful strike against the Arrow or people that benefited with The Undertaking. People that would protect him and create mayhem when it was needed._

_When they were finally found, trying to escape when news of Ra's al Ghul closing in them reached their ears, Oliver ran to the place. They had to fight their way through a small army of tugs while Ra's al Ghul and his assassins closed in Merlyn and Thea, but it was not a real challenge, not after Slade's._

_However, when faced with the closed door separating him from Thea, he froze. Felicity was talking with him through the coms, but it was like he couldn't hear. He was frozen._

_"_ _Oliver! What is going on?" Felicity was asking, while Diggle and Roy tried to reach Oliver with their words._

_"_ _What if she hates me?" Oliver asked softly._

_Felicity breathed deeply and disconnected the communicator._

_A minute later, steps were heard behind them._

_"_ _Hey…" Felicity whispered, touching Oliver's shoulder. "I'm here…"_

_"_ _You should have waited in the van…"_

_"_ _We already know I'm not the kind of girl to wait…" Felicity winked at him, trying to lift his spirits. "Look, we don't know what is going on behind that door! Do you want to wait and let Thea make a stupid mistake and put herself in danger?"_

_"_ _Sara won't let her… Nyssa is there as well, I know they will stop her from doing anything without hurting her…" Oliver said._

_"_ _Yes, they are there… but they are not her brother… they are not the brother who saw that little girl's first word or first steps. They are not the brother she longed for for five years… They are not the brother she always looked up to… Don't you think she wants to see you?" Felicity asked, squeezing his biceps._

_Oliver closed his eyes and sighed._

_Opening the door, he stepped inside the room to see two persons sitting in two chairs, handcuffed. Malcolm was bleeding profusely from his mouth and chest wounds. Beside him, Thea had a black eye and a cut in her temple. She was gagged._

_Oliver walked towards her, taking the cloth from her mouth._

_"_ _She is alive and safe, just like promised…" Ra's al Ghul said. "Let's see how things go from now on…" he joined and Felicity couldn't stop the suspicion that he thought their mission impossible._

_Oliver saw Thea's head rise to look at him, her eyes colder than he ever saw before. It chilled him more than all the nights in Lian Yu. It was a look of pure indifference._

_"_ _Thea…" Oliver whispered, trying to comb her unruly hair, but the young woman moved her head away from his hand, leaving it empty._

_"_ _Thea!" Roy called, appearing in Oliver's other side._

_Thea spared him a simple detached look and Roy gasped at her expression, it was not angry, not furious, or hopeful, or in love, or any of the others he spent his nights imagining her using when they finally meet again. No, it was cruel in her unresponsiveness._

_When Oliver uncuffed her, Thea rose her body swiftly and with a quick kick, she hit him in his injured knee, making him crumble. Oliver heard Felicity running towards him and the scuffle of his girlfriend trying to keep his sister in place. When Oliver looked up, he saw Felicity with a bloody face, her ponytail in a wild bush, Roy locking Thea's wrists behind her back and then a swift arrow appearing in his sister's neck. Her eyes rolled back and she passed out against Roy's chest._

_"You are welcome." Nyssa said from beside Sara, her hand putting inside her jacked the small pipe she used to send the dart._

_Roy was looking shocked at the girl in his arms, Diggle was ripping a part of his shirt for Felicity to put against her mouth and Oliver was left speechless in the middle of that crazy scene that was now his world._

_He looked at Ra's al Ghul and noticed the serious expression on the man's face. He was looking at Felicity while Dig tried to assess the damage to her face. In that moment, Oliver realized they only could take Thea because of Felicity, that they only had a chance at happiness once again because of her. In that moment, Oliver vowed to himself to never let go of her, to never let his doubts tarnish their relationship once again. Not because he felt he owed her, but because he was finally sure not only him, but they, their team, their family couldn't leave without her love, and damn be him if he was the one to make the mistake of keeping her away._

_When they were able of reaching the lair, they put Thea in the metal bed used when one of them was injured. They had left Malcolm with Ra's, the latter assuring them that they would never see The Dark Archer again. They all knew what it meant and if Merlyn's expression meant something, he knew it too._

_"Where are we going to put her?" Roy asked._

_"Maybe we should restrain her somehow..." Felicity suggested softly, her eyes assessing the sleeping girl. "So she won't get away before you can explain everything."_

_"And put in jeopardy the info about your father, right?" Roy bit back and Felicity's eyes widened in shock ._

_"Hey!" Oliver growled at the same time Felicity tried to stutter a reply._

_"We are all tense here, let's not fight between us. Roy, that was uncalled for." Diggle said in his deep voice._

_Roy's eyes were downcast when he spoke._

_"I'm sorry, Felicity. I didn't mean it, I was being a bastard." he said, only rising his eyes when he felt a small hand squeezing his biceps. He looked up to see Felicity with a smile on her face._

_"I understand, it's not your fault." she said and Roy sighed, smiling back at her._

_"But I agree with Felicity, if her face is any proof , Thea's power rose under the tutelage of her father." Dig suggested, waiting for the other men's input._

_They didn't like it, but in the end, weighting down Thea's safety, they agreed with it._

_When the girl woke up, she tried to fight her cuffs, until blood ran from her wrists. Felicity felt her stomach churn and could just imagine how much more painful it was for Oliver and Roy._

_When she tired herself, she started looking at the place she was being held._

_"Nice spot, Verdant's basement wasn't enough?" she asked and they looked at her, surprised._

_"I have been watching you. I know that Felicity was there a week ago to retrieve an old system and that Roy likes to prowl in there._

_"So, you knew where we were, but we didn't know where you were." Oliver said, using the deathly calm Felicity was used to, when he wanted to hide just how mad he was._

_"There was not much for you to know. A time in Peru, another in the jungle of Brazil, a bit in India, always with daddy dearest." Thea said in a sarcastic tone._

_"And what did Merlyn taught you? How to fight?" Oliver asked._

_"How to kill." she whispered with a smirk that made Roy shiver. "Don't look like that, babe. You killed too."_

_"Then why did you save Oliver in that roof?" Diggle asked and for the first time Thea's mask slipped. They saw her eyes move quickly to the other side of the room, where Felicity watched._

_"You are the hacker, the EA, the landlord and now the girlfriend. Oliver kept you pretty busy, Felicity." Thea said, in a clear maneuver to evade Dig's question. "I wondered why my brother kept you around all the time, but now I know. It's for when Laurel is giving him the told shower or Sara or any other woman he is fucking…"_

_"_ _Thea!" Oliver exclaimed shocked. "Why are you saying that? You were never cruel!" he couldn't believe what his sister was saying. She was trying to hurt Felicity on purpose, making her doubt him._

_"_ _Thea…" Roy whispered painfully._

_However, Felicity was having none of that. She walked slowly towards the young woman and pulling her arm back, she slapped her on the face, the sound resounding through the lair. The young woman was so shocked, just like the rest of the team, she was instantly silent._

_"_ _Now, you listen to me, Thea! You can say all the shit you want about me, but don't think I will let you hurt those two men! They love you more than their own lives, they would die for you in a second. Don't you dare try to hurt them! I know you are saying those things to protect yourself, probably that's one of the things Malcolm taught you, but you have to let someone in…"_

_Oliver caught Thea's eyes, noticing the flash of reconnaissance of the same words she said to him right after he came back from the island. Felicity was throwing them back at her, without knowing it._

_"_ _You are Thea, not a Queen, not a Merlyn, you are your own person, and you have to make some choices. God knows we all have to do them! Once a month I have to call my mom to see if she is still alive or if she drank herself to dead in one of her Vegas parties! I choose to have my own life, but I choose to still worry about her as well, she was not much of a mother, but I still care for her. I don't know if that makes me stupid, and I don't care, it's my choice and I have to back it up. You can't have someone else dictate your life, not a father, a brother or a boyfriend. Are you a killer in your core? If yes, then let's go arrow some people. If not, you should really think about your future choices. We can help you, but only if you accept it!" Felicity finished, her breathing pattern labored. She turned her back on Thea and walked out of the lair._

_The three men were left speechless and Thea watched the woman walk away with a shadow in her eyes._

_When Felicity arose from the stairs into the fresh night air, she bent over herself and supported her hands against her knees. She felt like she had run a marathon. Saying those things to Thea was not easy. Using her past as an example of her choices would never be easy, but she had to do something. Oliver and Roy were so lost…_

_"_ _Hey…" Diggle's voice echoed from behind her and Felicity turned to see the man closing the door._

_"_ _Oh, hi…" she replied poorly and the man grinned at her._

_"_ _Let's arrow some people?" he quoted and Felicity chuckled._

_"_ _C'mon, I was bluffing, born in Vegas, remember? It's like a second nature…" she said._

_Diggle sighed deeply and stood beside her, his hands inside his pockets. Around them the place was empty like always. Oliver had choose wisely his hideout in the outskirts of town, where not even drug dealers thought to make their deals._

_"_ _What you said downstairs… it got to her… we all saw it… but it will take time… And I'm afraid Oliver and Roy don't have the patience for that…" Diggle said, looking at the moon in the sky._

_"_ _They will, it's Thea…" she said, like it explained everything._

_It probably did._

_Diggle's phone started ringing and he took it out, noticing it was a video call._

_"_ _You're on, babe…" he said and saw Lyla chuckle on the other side._

_"_ _Say hi to daddy and…" Diggle moved the phone to show his companion._

_"_ _Hi Lyla!"_

_"…_ _aunt Felicity!"_

_"_ _Hi baby boy!" Felicity cooed, seeing Andy wave his tiny fists around._

_"_ _What is my big man doing up?" Diggle asked, with a smile and Andy's eyes widen and he smiled when he heard his father's voice._

_"_ _I miss my daddy…" Lyla answered and they both laughed._

_"_ _Go home…" Felicity said._

_"_ _Are you sure?" he replied and she nodded with a smile._

_"_ _Go, and have a great family time…"_

_Diggle disconnected the call and kissed her on the cheek._

_"_ _Go! I will tell the guys for you!" Felicity pushed him towards his car._

_He waved one last time before driving away._

_Felicity sighed, wondering when would be her time to have a family of her own._


	11. Part XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to the hospital makes Thea remember just how she started to open up to the team.

**Part XI**

 

* * *

 

 

"C'mon, people, we have a game to watch!" Roy whined, when Oliver and Felicity appeared from the stairs. He was sitting in front of a big flat screen, with Diggle, Lyla and Andrew. Thea was coming from the kitchen with Connor, carrying bowls of sweets and popcorn.

"Oh, let me help you!" Felicity said, moving quickly towards Connor. She grabbed the big bowl from his hands while the boy pouted at his sudden empty hands.

" _Fiss!_ " Connor whined.

Felicity laughed, by stepping around her step-son with more velocity than her big belly was ready for. She felt the bowl slip from her fingers when her belly touched it and with a quick movement tried to grab it again. She bended over, with a sudden movement. The pain was sharp and made her strain back, against Oliver's arms, that were already extended to go and grab her.

"Felicity!" there was a collective scream and everyone ran towards her, seeing her pale and sweaty face.

Felicity had her eyes closed, her back against Oliver's chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I don't know… My belly hurts, Oliver…" she whispered, too afraid to speak out loud.

Oliver cursed harshly under his breath and grabbed her, bridal-style, against his chest.

"We are going to the hospital!" he announced. Felicity's lack of refusal about the hospital was enough to tell him how worried she was.

"I'll drive you!" Diggle offered, already running towards the front door.

"We will go right after you!" Thea said, right before Oliver disappeared behind the front door with his wife.

"It's my fault…" Connor said softly, when they sat in the waiting room, his hands between his knees and his eyes downcast.

"What?" Thea replied, shocked. She rose from her plastic chair and kneeled in front of her nephew. "Don't you dare think like that! It was an accident! Felicity is strong…" Thea didn't want to say that everything would be alright, but she was sure the boy had nothing to be guilty of.

"If I hadn't tried to grab the bowl she wouldn't have moved like that!" he continued stubbornly.

"Connor, I've known Felicity for years now, and believe me, if she was here, she would be the first to smack you the head for saying stuff like that. She would be sad if she saw you like this…" Thea said, grabbing his hands and rubbing Connor's knuckles. "She is a hero, don't you forget that!"

Thea felt her heart tug painfully inside her chest. For the last four, almost five years, she regarded the blonde woman as a sister, a confident, a friend. Feeling the worry from her family about her sister-in-law made her remember a dark time, when she was not the real Thea.

* * *

 

_"_ _Does it feel like dejá-vu for you too?" Felicity said, when she entered the lair._

_Thea was handcuffed to an iron bar on the wall, letting her move around the makeshift bed and food over a table._

_Diggle looked at her, confused. It was his time to be guard of the young woman and he was finding it hard to follow Felicity's quick brain._

_"_ _Well, first we had Roy… I know he was unconscious and all, but it still feel like dejá-vu…" Felicity explained and Diggle's forehead smoothed in understanding._

_Thea was observing them from half-rose lids. They would believe her asleep if they weren't who they were. Felicity, especially, learned during the last months how Oliver looked while feigning sleep and she had to confess his sister was much like him in that regard. She hoped she was like him in others as well… like, not killing people, worrying about family, trying to trust in love again… Yup, she really hoped it was a Queen trait… and even if Thea had another half to worry about she hoped it would be enough, since she recalled how Tommy Merlyn was and wishing on the girl the same strength of character as her other brother._

_When Oliver arrived a minute later, taking his tie from around his neck with an impatient tug, he approached his sister. He pulled a chair to sit in front of her, out of reach for safety measures. He hated it, but after Thea tried to attack Diggle when he had his back turned on her, they realized they had to be cautious._

_"_ _How are you?" he asked, and Thea opened her eyes fully and regarded him in silence. "Do you need anything else? We can get you some other kind of food if you want…" he tried telling her, but Thea was ignoring him all the way, following the rest of the team's movements: Felicity's fingers on the board and Diggle's hands cleaning his guns._

_When Roy appeared, shedding his wet hoodie, he stopped in his tracks when his eyes met the ones of his former-girlfriend. It took him some control to take his eyes away and walk towards Felicity._

_"_ _Anything for us to do?" he asked and Felicity shook her head._

_"_ _Apparently you are lucky… It's pouring outside!" Felicity commented, taking Roy's hoodie and putting against the ventilator system for it to dry quicker. "Now, go change into something warmer!" she commanded with an extended finger._

_"_ _Yes, mom…" Roy said, rolling his eyes, but walking towards the lockers nonetheless._

_Thea caught the sudden smile in her brother's face and frowned. It was not a fake-smile like the ones he was so fond of using, it was not a smug one liked the ones he used to get out of things, and it was not the worried one whenever he looked at her, not sure if he was happy she was there or not. It was a pure bliss smile, like that blonde hurricane of a woman that was now making some hot tea for the rest of the team, was his guiding light in the middle of a storm._

_Thea could recall Malcolm's words while training her. How he used Moira and Oliver's secrets to taunt her, to angry her and finally to make her trust him. Because Malcolm Merlyn never lied to her… But he never cared deeply for her like she saw Felicity do for the team. It was not the first time she noticed how the woman used small tricks to make the guys' life easier. Thea would feign sleep and observe her. How she kept their clothes tidy in case they had to change quickly, how she kept the mats taken care of and how she always had a warm meal for them, no matter if it was 7 p.m. or 4 a.m. She started connecting the woman with the fairy-tales she used to read as a child, with the fairy godmothers running around the troubled heroes and helping them in their demands._

_"_ _Do you want some?"_

_Thea was brought from her thoughts by a sudden voice in front of her. She was so far away she didn't notice Felicity's approaching her with a cup of fuming tea._

_"_ _It's Marrakesh… Oliver's favorite…" she said, shrugging her shoulders in doubt._

_"_ _So, you don't think I'm going to grab it and send it against your face, burning you?" Thea replied in a sarcastic tone._

_"_ _No…" Felicity answered in a shocked tone like it could never go through her mind._

_"_ _I don't like tea." Thea said simply and Oliver sighed knowing it as a lie._

_"_ _Okay…" Felicity stated nonplussed and returned to the table where a delicate teapot rested, surrounded by different teacups. One with a green pattern, another with blue, one in red and the last in yellow. Felicity put the purple one she was holding over the table, like she was expecting Thea to change her mind and grabbed the yellow one, sipping contently. It was a strange sigh, the delicate things between big strong hands, but still unbroken, a bit like the blonde woman in the midst of the calloused men of the team._

_Oliver approached Felicity and put his hand over her shoulder to whisper something in her ear. Her eyes shone with excitement and she clapped her hands._

_"_ _Oh, and the red velvet too!" she squealed and the other two men looked at the couple in confusion._

_"_ _Oliver just promised me cupcakes next time!" she explained. "Maybe some scones and we could start a 5 o'clock tea group!"_

_Thea snorted under her breathe making the group in front of her look at her. She hide it under a cough, but it didn't fool anyone._

_Felicity's charm was starting the attack._

"You know, one day when she was sick, your dad got in a kind of accident… she was so worried for him she took care of Oliver instead of worrying about herself…" Thea suddenly started telling, omitting parts like her imprisonment and what kind of accident Oliver really had.

_It had been four months since they got Thea back._

_She was still prisoner in the lair, always under surveillance either through the cameras put together by Felicity or by the member of the team in charge of being with her. She was never left alone through a careful schedule drawn by Felicity._

_And everything was going kind of smooth… if you count Thea not trying to kill any member of the team as smooth… She even accepted Felicity's coffee once, so they saw that as an improvement. Oliver would sit in his chair speaking with her, even if she didn't answered back. He would tell her of his past, some of the things that happened on the island, others that his team went through and sometimes, when he was feeling down, he would recall some episodes from their childhood._

_Felicity liked to sit quietly in a corner, hearing his soothing voice lull her to sleep, until Roy or Diggle came down and shook her, telling her to take Oliver home._

_Thea was still keeping her distance, she wouldn't let anyone touch her and her answers would always be sarcastic or short. Until a fated night._

_She was watching Felicity type furiously in her computer, while giving the team directions around a place they were invading that was thought to be a human traffic market. She could see the tension in the other woman's shoulder, and her pale and sweaty face and not for the first time she wondered how long Felicity would endure until she passed out. It was clear she was sick, but still, her mind raced and her fingers followed quickly and Thea wondered how dangerous the mission was. And then she saw Felicity jump and start yelling._

_"_ _Get out of there! You triggered some kind of explosive... I'm receiving info about the radio waves… I'm trying to…" and then Felicity jumped again, wincing and grabbing her right ear where Thea knew she used her communicator._

_"_ _Oliver! Dig! Roy!" she yelled and Thea rose from her bed. If Felicity was pale before, now she looked like a dead body. She swayed in place and grabbed the table for support. "Oh thank god…" she whispered, probably hearing an answer that escaped Thea. "And Oliver? Did the explosion hurt him badly? Oh good… yes, I will be waiting…" she said and then took out her earpiece and started walking around the place, arranging painkillers, bandages, disinfectant, needle and thread._

_Thea kept a close look on the woman, until the rest of the team appeared, Diggle and Roy under each of Oliver's arms, helping him walk and almost dragging him._

_"_ _He got hit on the head, there's a lot of blood oozing from it, some bruised ribs and a few burn marks…" Diggle counted and started immediately working on the head injury. "We should sedate him…" Dig said and Oliver tried to smack him away, but failed. "Yeah, he is still out of it, sedation it is…"_

_Quicker than anyone thought possible, Felicity grabbed a syringe and stoke it against his neck. Dig and Roy were left with surprised expressions on their faces, while Oliver fell asleep._

_"_ _What? I'm kind of a pro when it comes to stick needles in people's necks…" she said, shrugging her shoulder, while starting to take care of the burns._

_Roy was cutting bandages and reaching whatever they needed, while Thea observed with fascination that well-oiled machine. It was like they could hear each other's thoughts._

_When Diggle stepped back and Felicity finished her job, they all sighed._

_"_ _I know, I know…" Diggle said when Felicity sent him daggers. "We will buy an MRI machine and X-Rays too…" and the woman smiled._

_Roy yawned openly and Dig sighed, cracking his back._

_"_ _Damn, I'm getting old…" he said and Felicity chuckled._

_"_ _Go home…" she said, grabbing the two men's arms and pushing them towards the exit._

_"_ _Are you sure?" Roy asked and Felicity nodded._

_"_ _Go have some rest. You didn't sleep last night either, both of you! I know, so don't try to deny it!" she said and the men walked out, with smiles on their faces._

_Felicity went back towards the lockers to grab a quilt and put it over Oliver's body. She touched his cheek softly and kissed him on the lips, before going back to her computers._

_Thea was speechless. She just saw the team in action, not fighting, but saving and helping another member, probably a normal occurrence for all of them. Thea felt a pang of loneliness in her chest when she remembered how Malcolm used to prowl on her insecurities making him the only available person to help her._

_For the next two hours, she observed Felicity type, organizing some prints and making some improvements in her databases. However, when she tried to get up, her eyes widen and she grabbed the table to steady herself._

_"_ _Is the floor moving for you too?" she asked Thea and the younger woman rose from her sitting position. Felicity took her glasses and rubbed her eyes._

_"_ _You are kind of green…" Thea said, not unkindly._

_She saw Felicity walk, unbalanced, towards the med table were the medications where and then, her knees buckled and she staggered on the floor._

_Thea jumped towards Felicity, being able of grabbing her arm and pulling her towards her "prison"._

_"_ _Hey, wake up!" she said, while trying to slap the woman, but she kept her eyes closed. Eyeing around, she noticed the water bottle near her bed and the bed itself. Pulling Felicity she put her over her bed and grabbed the cool water. Using the pillow case she poured the water over it and put the cloth over Felicity's burning forehead._

_"_ _What is going on?" she heard a voice say from behind her and she turn around to see her brother standing there with an awed expression in his face._

_"_ _Your girlfriend is sick. She has a fever and she passed out…" Thea said, while trying to clean the sweat from Felicity's face._

_Oliver closed the distance between them to assess the situation. Going back towards the med table he grabbed a few pills and a glass of water and brought it back to Felicity._

_"_ _Hey… Felicity… wake up… you need to take it!" he tried to rouse her, but the only thing he got was a low rumble, until she slowly opened her eyes and stared at the two heads hovering._

_"_ _Hi!" she waved, trying to be chirpy and the two siblings rolled their eyes._

_Oliver helped her sit down and take the pills with the water._

_"_ _Thank you, Thea…" Felicity said suddenly, when Oliver accepted the glass back._

_"_ _I just didn't want you filling up that empty space on the floor, it clashed with the decoration of this place." Thea replied, without looking her in the eyes._

_Felicity smiled and rose with the help of Oliver._

_"_ _Maybe we should go home…" Oliver said, but he looked towards Thea, a fight appearing in his eyes._

_Felicity sighed and squeezed his hands and Oliver made his choice._

_"_ _Have a good night, Thea…" he whispered, kissing her hair and for the first time in almost two years she felt her eyes prickle and had to breathe deeply to stop the tears from falling._

_"_ _Good night, Oliver… Felicity…" she whispered, before turning back and slipping into her bed._

_Felicity smiled sleepily at Oliver and he nodded back, with renewed hope in his eyes._

 

* * *

 

"So, Felicity, after taking care of your father's injury, because of his fall from the roof, tried to walk away and suddenly asked me if the floor was moving for me too… She was so worried about him, she completely forgot she was sick and while taking care of him she exhausted herself…" they all laughed and Connor smiled a bit.

When Oliver appeared with a flushed Felicity, they all rose to hear the news.

"It was a pulled muscle…" she said somewhat embarrassed.

"You don't have to feel ashamed. Now you have to worry for three, if you minimized it and it was something worse then you should feel that way!" Lyla stated, with a no-nonsense voice. Felicity looked grateful at her and smiled softly.

"Let's go home…" Felicity proposed and they all returned to the Queen mansion, much more relieved than two hours ago.

 


	12. Part XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ra's keeps his promise and Felicity's dad's past is revealed.

**Part XII**

 

* * *

 

 

"Sara!" Felicity screeched when she saw two bikes stopping in front of the mansion. She had run from the first floor, almost giving Oliver a heart-attack, in excitement.

Sara jumped from her bike and opened her arms to accept the warm hug from her best friend.

"Wow, you're big!" she stated, stepping back to eye her round belly.

"Hello, Felicity!" Nyssa said, from behind Sara and Felicity hugged the other woman, making her a bit uncomfortable when the big belly stood between them.

"Oh, don't mind it, it doesn't hurt…" Felicity said when Nyssa looked worried towards her midsection. And Felicity grabbed the two women's hands when she felt the sudden kicks and brought it against her belly.

Nyssa's eyes widen and Sara smiled openly.

"They are strong!" Sara gushed and Felicity grinned.

"Aunt Sara! Nyssa!" Connor's voice echoed from the back of the house, while the boy ran with a small pup behind him.

Sara hugged the boy against her body while Nyssa messed with his hair.

"Did you brought cool stuff from your trips?" Connor asked Nyssa and she traded a look with Sara.

"We were remarkably lucky in finding an ancient sword from the 18th century, it's thought to have been used in a clan war in Scotland…" Nyssa stated, with an air of mystery surrounding her voice and Felicity could imagine the woman creating a story for that particular piece that would probably adorn their living room in less than an hour.

It was a surprise how good Nyssa was with Connor. She would spend hours telling him stories invented by her, she would play soccer with him and teach him how to sword fight. He would always wait expectantly for her return every time they could get away from the League for a little bit.

Thea walked behind Felicity slowly, her back tense in trepidation.

"Hello Thea…" Sara said softly and Thea waved.

Nyssa nodded her head while Connor grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house, with Sara following them.

Felicity saw Thea sag and sigh deeply and extended her arm to put a hand over her shoulder and squeeze.

"Everything is alright…" Felicity said, not for the first time and probably not for the last one as well.

"Thank you." Thea whispered and Felicity knew she meant more than the present moment and support.

_After taking care of Felicity, Thea opened up a bit more towards the team. She still kept herself away from them, her eyes always jumping and her body ready to fight or flight. But she no longer wanted to kill any of them and it was a win in their eyes._

_When Felicity entered the lair once, so long after that first opening, silently, she was able of hearing the final part of a conversation between Oliver and Thea._

_"_ _I'm sorry for what you suffered…" Oliver was saying. "I always wanted to protect you. It's what older brothers do, I never wanted to make you suffer or cry. When you_ were _born I vowed I would never let anyone hurt you… And I broke that vow so many times… I'm the one that hurt you the most, and for that I am so so sorry… I don't know if you will ever forgive me… But I hope one day you can trust me again…" Felicity heard the swish of clothes and Oliver's steps. He was probably sitting near Thea and was now giving her some space. She heard a second pair of steps and then Oliver's surprised gasp. Felicity moved a bit to the right and peaked, seeing Thea hugging her brother from behind and Oliver's shocked and awed expression._

_She stepped back once, twice and then all the way, until her presence in the lair was only a memory._

_It took one year to Thea to hug her brother again and two more to let Roy held her again. But in the end, she did it, she won her battles and was once again the ruler of her own life, not as a Queen or a Merlyn but as Thea._

"Felicity…"

Felicity turned around to see Nyssa entering the library with careful steps. She was trying to arrange the last gifts before Christmas. Even if she was Jewish, in the Queen mansion the two religions were mixed, with traditions from the both of them blooming under her careful care.

"I have something for you…" Nyssa said.

Felicity was ready to reply, to tell Nyssa to wait, when she saw the brownish file the other woman was holding. It had a name on it. Smoak.

Felicity's outstretched fingers trembled when she grabbed the file. She brought it against her chest, feeling the hard material against her body.

"Thank you…" she whispered and Nyssa smiled softly.

"I hope you find some kind of peace with it." She replied, before turning around and walk out the door.

Felicity touched the paper softly. She sighed and put it inside the drawer. She would read it later, when she could be alone for a while and really think about what was inside that file.

But now, she had a family to amuse, and she was going to do the best job she could. She and her twins.

Later, when Thea and Roy went home, Laurel, Sara, Nyssa and Quentin returned to the lawyer's house and the Diggles were safely at their house, leaving the Queens by themselves, Connor was sprawled in the couch, asleep, the very real, very cuty sword that Nyssa gave him falling perilously from his half open fingers. While she grabbed the heavy blade and took it from him, Oliver crouched in front of his son and grabbed him, taking him to his bed without the boy waking up once.

When Oliver was finally asleep, his arms almost crushing Felicity, she finally stopped her overactive mind from thinking about her family and friends and focus on a file hidden in her library. Slipping from Oliver's arm she tried to tip-toe out of the room.

"Fe'city…" he grumbled and she shushed him softly.

"I have to pee…" she replied.

"Don't hummm long…" Oliver said, before snoring loudly and falling asleep again.

It was one of the things that warmed her heart more than anything. How easily he fell asleep now, without nightmares and dark visions. Even if he sometimes had them, when he was tenser, he could fight them and go back to his peaceful sleep. Felicity would be lying if she didn't feel damn smug that she had something to do with that evolution.

When Felicity turned on the lamp in the desk and opened the drawer, she felt a shiver ran through her. The file was not as big as she wished for, but it was big enough to make her skin crawl and her fingers move quickly, opening it.

Her eyes moved quickly from line to line, her mind trying to understand what the writing was telling her.

Her father was an independent agent. He would be paid by private companies or individuals to carry on a mission, be it a protection detail, find someone behind a blackmail affair or even, and Felicity shivered at that, an assassination. At least, apparently, her father was a scrupulous man, since the targets he accepted deserved that ending in some way, be it for war crimes or for abusing and selling children.

Felicity read on, apparently his father was kind of a friend to Ra's al Ghul, since there was a very descriptive part about his life with her mother. He had met Donna during a mission, actually, after he had to abscond a very old, very expensive diamond ring from a hotel in Vegas. Donna saw him walking with his tux through the hotel and set her mind in getting that man.

Felicity had to chuckle, it was definitely her mother alright.

When she had cut his way out, he tried to get rid of her, but finding it impossible without attracting unwanted attention, he took her into the hotel bar and paid for the most sour wine in the collection that was, unbelievable, her mother's favorite.

Truth be told, her mother was and is, a very beautiful woman, even with all the drinking and partying she had as constant companions nowadays. And she was young, very young, to realize that what the man was telling her was complete bullshit.

And the man, Marc Smoak as he presented himself, was very taken aback with the shiny and dreamy eyes of Donna. He had loved her smile and wanted to see it again.

But he had a mission to finish and a ring to deliver. So, he said his farewell, left her mother in the bar and walked away. During the two years between that and their next encounter, Marc or James, as sometimes he was called in the file, started working closer with Ra's. There was a rising number of missions he did with the League and Felicity wondered if that was how they became friends. She chuckled, imagining her father, that she now could see in the photos was very handsome with dark hair and blue eyes, having tea with the Demon's Head and talking about his love life.

Apparently, her father decided to return to Vegas, it was not clear if it was a mission or if he returned because of Donna, but two years after their first encounter they met again, and for the next seven years they lived together. Apparently, her father's job was listed as a transporter what could justify his absences during the missions.

But, the calm could not exist forever. One of the missions went wrong and her father had to escape his old life so he could survive, but not before returning one last time, argue with her mother and left the small Felicity with a tiny computer to play with. Felicity couldn't remember her parents' marriage. She could recall they were not always happy. Probably the passion of the first years went out under the stress of their lives. But she could see in her mind's eye how her mother started drinking more after that, she was already kind of a drinker, not drunk, but always with a cheery spirit, but after her father left, things went downhill. She remembered her mother being out of the house at all hours of the day and night, how she had to feed herself with microwave food, when she had that at the house or just run to the nearest shop and steal something under her jacket. She knew the old lady in the shop saw her taking the food, but the woman never said anything and only later Felicity realized the woman was pitying her.

Meanwhile, her father returned to the League's protective wing, knowing he was being hunted by some unknown enemy and expecting his friend Ra's to help him. And help he did. However, unknown to Ra's al Ghul, his own daughter, Talia, was planning a rebellion against her father's power and proclaim herself and The Demon's Head. Marc finding out at the last minute about Talia's plan to murder her father, ran towards Ra's quarters and died to save his friend. Ra's killed his daughter to avenge not only his own life and power, but his friend as well.

Her father was buried in Nanda Parbat, beside other warriors fallen in battle that received the honor of resting in that place.

"Oliver, you can came out of the shadows, you know? It's not that hard to see a gigantic man hovering behind me like a ghost…" Felicity said suddenly, without looking up, and heard his chuckle.

"I'm not gigantic. You are the one that is short." He replied with a smile.

"I'm not short, I'm average, Mr. Queen!" Felicity laughed and Oliver shook his head.

"That is something you never were and never will be." He said affectionately and Felicity felt herself swoon at his words.

"Very romantic, Mr. Queen… Are you feeling lonely?"

"I was, actually, Mrs. Smoak-Queen. I woke up and my wife was missing from our very large bed, then I found her with the utmost serious expression on her face reading some unknown papers. I don't like to see the sadness in my wife's eyes so I must ask what is going on, so I can punch someone in the face." Oliver stated, sitting in front of Felicity, but not moving to peak over the papers. He knew she would show them if she wanted to and if not, he would respect her wishes.

Felicity smiled lovingly at him and then extended the file so he could reach and read it. He sat in front of her, on the other side of the table.

Oliver's eyes flew over the pages, reading the story of his deceased father-in-law.

"Wow…" he whispered when he reached the last page and Felicity nodded.

"Wow, indeed… Apparently my knack for getting myself surrounded by very dangerous, very strong men it's a family thing…" she said, trying to lighten the situation.

Oliver sighed and looked up at her words. He rose from his chair and circled the table, kneeling beside his wife. His hand approached her face and touched her cheek softly, feeling his fingertips rise the blush and the heat in her face.

"Felicity…" he whispered and she smiled sadly at him.

"It was a long time ago, Oliver… I've moved on…" Felicity replied, seeing the worry swim in his blue irises.

"But you just opened the lid in a box you thought was closed forever… it can be haunting… it can bring some hard feelings…" Oliver stated and Felicity's eyes closed momentarily.

"I just feel so stupid… You know I tried to find him when I was eleven? I hacked a lot of databases, very rudimentary job, if I say so myself, but couldn't find anything… I hated him sometimes… Whenever the kids picked on me at school or when my mother would come home drunk or got a new boyfriend, way younger than her, or when I didn't have a freaking yoghurt to eat! I hated him and I cursed him and sometimes I wished he was dead! Guess what? He was dead already! And he was not there because he had to protect us! Because he was a freaking assassin! And a robber and a lot of other things I can't even imagine! He was friends with Ra's al Ghul for crying out loud! I just… I don't know what to think… it's like my head is going to explode and I just want to run away…" Felicity confessed, the tears finally running free in her face.

"Then go…" Oliver whispered and Felicity looked at him, shocked.

"Are you sending me away?" she croaked and he snorted.

"Of course not, I was just telling you that you could go to the back garden, breath some air and then just come back. I wouldn't want you, in that state, more than a mile from this home!"

Felicity huffed at him and rolled her eyes, but she smiled nonetheless, knowing what he was trying to do.

"You are amazing, did you know that?" she asked, caressing his face.

"Actually, I do know, you are remarkably clear about that when we are alone in bed…" he said and Felicity giggled.

"You are a dork, my dear husband…"

Sobering up, Oliver looked at the papers once again.

"Are you going to tell Donna?" he asked and Felicity followed his eyes.

"I don't know… I don't think it would do a great good… And I would have a lot to explain… Maybe I could tell her he died… But I don't want to tell her he left because he was trying to protect us…" Felicity sighed, combing her hair with her fingers.

Oliver knew all too well how hard of a subject her mother was.

Donna Smoak was not an ordinary woman. She was fast, street smart, ambitious and reckless. She drank and partied and changed boyfriends more than he changed his arrows, which was saying a lot.

He could remember the only time he saw her and it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.

_"_ _Oh shit!" Felicity exclaimed when they got out of her mini, Roy trying to snake himself out of the backseat._

_"_ _What is it? Is it an enemy?" Roy asked, while Oliver tried to understand what he was seeing._

_"_ _Worse… it's my mother… Quick, let's get into the car again and run!" she said and Roy rolled his eyes._

_"_ _She can't be that bad…" he said, walking towards the blonde woman that was in front of Felicity's house._

_"_ _Felicity!" the woman screamed and then stopped when Roy approached her, eyeing him lustily and making the boy step back quickly when she grabbed his biceps and squeezed. "Felicity, nice boy you have here!"_

_And then her eyes fell on Oliver, who was walking hand in hand with Felicity and her mouth opened and her eyes widened._

_"_ _Yeah, he gets that reaction all the time…" Roy said. "Who knew he could get such a hot girl, right?"_

_The woman looked at him, surprised at his words, but quickly dismissed him, while closing the distance between the slow walking couple and her._

_"_ _Hello, I'm Donna Smoak…" she said, grabbing Oliver's face and kissing his cheek. The man was left winking repeatedly in confusion, while the woman turned to Felicity._

_"_ _Felicity, dear, what a lovely surprise…" she said, kissing her daughter cheek, while whispering into her ear. "Nice catch."_

_"_ _So, are you two together for long? Maybe we should enter and talk in private…" Donna said and Felicity saw Roy laughing silently behind her mother._

_Before Felicity could say anything else, Donna was already grabbing her daughter's keys from her hand and walking towards the house. Now, Roy was no longer laughing, trailing the woman with his eyes in shock._

_"_ _Hum… maybe I should go… I told Thea I would meet her at Verdant…" Roy said, starting to back out._

_"_ _And how are you going to go there? On foot? Besides, Thea told me she would come over for dinner, so you better stay. You were going to help us move the shelves anyway…" Felicity said and Roy sighed. He really promised to help Felicity and Oliver move her beloved belongings._

_"_ _Well, I just think it would be easier for you to move into the mansion at once and not moving a shelf at a time…" Roy said, walking with his hands inside his pockets._

_"_ _That is going to happen after the wedding, when we will have everything ready…" Oliver replied and Felicity stopped suddenly._

_"_ _The wedding!" she exclaimed and the two men looked at her._

_"_ _Don't tell me…" Oliver started._

_"…_ _that you didn't tell your mother!" Roy completed._

_Felicity cringed and shook her head._

_"_ _Why?" they asked_

_"_ _You will see why…"_

_And they really did._

_By the end of the next hour, Donna was able of offending Roy by saying The Glades was the worst neighborhood she ever saw and people from there were obviously lowlifes, touching all of the Felicity's belongings while asking why she couldn't buy nicer things and telling Oliver how good it was to be in the presence of such a domineering man, even going as far as asking how their bedroom life was going on. Felicity wanted to kill her mother or herself, she wasn't picky right now._

_And when Thea arrived with Chinese takeout it went downhill with her mother explaining the dangers of that kind of food in someone's body, since Felicity was already "a bit fat", according to Donna's words. Thea started telling her she was crazy, Oliver supported his sister, while Roy and Felicity were left lost, without knowing what to do. In the end, Thea and Roy left, without eating and Felicity and Oliver were left in the middle of the awkward tension._

_By the end of dinner, Donna grabbed Felicity's arm and made her follow her into her bedroom._

_"_ _Felicity…" Donna said, looking her daughter directly in the eyes. "You have to be smart about this… That man outside is smoking hot and there's a lot of other women wanting him, probably taller and thinner than you… But you have him when you want right now… Now it's your time to play… It can take a bit of time, but you must be quick about it… I would suggest a mistake in taking your pills and then…"_

_"_ _Wait!" Felicity said, too shocked until now to realized what her mother was trying to say. "You want me to get pregnant on purpose?"_

_"_ _Why, yes, that's what I'm saying…" Donna looked surprised that her daughter was only now reaching that conclusion._

_Felicity closed her eyes, opened the bedroom door and without looking at her mother pointed towards the hallway._

_"_ _Get out!" she said, without looking at her mother._

_"_ _I just want what is best for you!" Donna said in an upset voice._

_"_ _You want me to get pregnant on purpose so I can imprison a man? Was that what you did with my father?"_

_"_ _Of course not, Marc had no money, and that's why I'm telling you this now. Love is all pretty and magic, but if you don't have money you can't live like that for long… That's why he left, probably…" Donna bit back and Felicity reopened her eyes._

_"_ _You just want the money for yourself, so you don't have to work and drink and spend it with your boyfriends, am I wrong?" Felicity spitted and Donna's eyes shone with malice._

_"_ _I knew it was stupid coming here, you are still the same ridiculous girl that left my house saying she would make someone of herself. Yeah, right, I can see that…" Donna stated in a sarcastic tone, grabbing Felicity's small canary plush given by Sara in her birthday and pointing at a photograph of Felicity with Diggle._

_"_ _Well, if you think so low of me and my stuff and my friends, you can just go away and never come back!" Felicity yelled and Donna rose her arm to slap her daughter when a shadow appeared suddenly and Oliver's own arm materialized and grabbed Donna's wrist._

_"_ _Donna, I think you should leave…" Oliver said, in a low tone, but not less threatening for that._

_The woman ripped her arm from his hand and walked out of the room, but not before turning around._

_"_ _I hope you follow your bastard father's actions and never appear in my face again! And I sure hope that one gets you pregnant and then abandons you so you can live alone with a crying brat!" and she walked out of the house._

_After that, Felicity only knew about her mother when she hacked into the casino where she worked to know if she was alright._

"At least we know he didn't leave because of the money…" Felicity shrugged her shoulders, trying to diffuse the tension that she could feel even in her tongue.

Oliver sighed. He knew she was trying to stay strong, to be the reliable person she always is.

"You can scream and yell, if you want… Or you can punch something…" Oliver suggested and Felicity laughed.

"That won't be necessary… However… there's something I would like to do… Not now, obviously, but as soon as possible…" Felicity said slowly, observing Oliver's eyes.

"I want to go to Nanda Parbat."

 


	13. Part XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Last Chapter- The visit to Nanda Parbat and their happy life.

**Part XIII**

* * *

 

"I feel bad…" Felicity said, for the millionth time, since they left their house 48 hours ago. "It doesn't feel right. A mother shouldn't leave her kids behind…"

"And she shouldn't bring them to an assassins' lair, so you got that right…" Oliver replied, but Felicity could see how nervous he was as well.

"They are fine, right? Diggle has experience and Lyla is amazing with them… And there's Thea and Roy… And even Quentin and Laurel said they would check on them… Quentin had two daughters so he knows what to do, right? And Connor is amazing with them…" Felicity babbled, while Oliver's hand tugged her to follow him.

"Please, stop before I turn around and get into the next plane to the US…" Oliver begged and Felicity sighed.

"At least they were so precocious we won't lose the first word or the first step…" Felicity said with a smile.

"Please, stop rubbing it, okay?" Oliver huffed.

"Well, it's not my fault Emilia's first word was glasses and Tommy's was hacker…" Felicity laughed and Oliver rolled his eyes.

"Other kids say daddy or mommy or no or dog… but not ours, they have to go all technical on us… momma kids…" he said under his breath, while they walked out of Lhasa Gonggar Airport.

The air that met them was cold and thin, but after three changes of planes it was welcome nonetheless. Oliver wanted to bring the QC plane as far as it could, probably until Beijing, but Felicity didn't want to use QC resources in her personal business, even if Oliver tried to dissuade her.

When they finally met the people that were expecting them, Felicity hugged Sara and Nyssa tightly, watching the jeep they had brought with judgmental eyes.

"Don't get that expression… You will be sad to see him go… We can only go by car for a time… The rest will be done on foot… Thank god you brought your boots and not those killer heels…" Sara said, eyeing Felicity's clad feet with hiking boots.

Felicity nodded and didn't say anything that could make Oliver even more nervous about this trip, like her fear of heights, her lack of knowledge about hiking and trekking a mountain and the snow dangers for an unaware visitor.

"Everything will be alright." Nyssa said, noticing Felicity's expression, already opening the driver's door.

When everyone was inside, the woman started the jeep and sped away, making Oliver and Felicity look at each other in fear. Maybe they didn't have to worry about the mountain if they never reached it…

The hike was harder than anything Felicity had ever done in a physical way. It was cold and windy and her boots kept burying themselves in chin deep snow. Beside her, Oliver's grunts told her he was having a similar experience with it and she stretched her hand to grab his fingers. If they fell, they fell together. In front of them, looking like they were having a walk in the park, Sara and Nyssa walked quick and swiftly. The black and grey of their jackets were a constant signal for them to follow, until the both of them disappeared in the white of the snow, making Felicity jump to see where they were and fall in an explosion of snow. Oliver laughed at her, until she pulled against her and imbalanced by the snow they both fell in the white floor.

Felicity laughed freely in the cold air and Oliver's hand rubbed her knuckles. He tried to lay on his side to see her face, but the only thing he could discern was a wall of snow between their bodies.

"Hum… guys, did you finished your snow angels already?" Sara asked, appearing suddenly over them and the couple grinned at her.

They both rose and followed Sara, noticing a hidden cave between the snow, which explained her sudden disappearance. Nyssa was expecting them inside and started guiding them through tunnels that looked like they belonged in a maze, illuminated by small torches stacked against the rock walls of the cave. The shadows danced in the rock and their dark images made Felicity shiver.

When they finally saw the sunlight it was in the end of a long tunnel and they found themselves walking into a plain field covered in snow, with a big mansion of wood constructed in the middle of it. Trees covered in the snow could be seen, their branches frozen and water pendants falling like winter leaves. It was beautiful, even if a bit lonely.

When they entered the mansion, Ra's al Ghul was expecting them. He nodded at Oliver and bowed in front of Felicity.

"We are here to see my father's grave." Felicity said softly and the older man nodded his head in understanding.

When Oliver made a movement to follow Felicity, Ra's looked at him and stopped him with a look.

"Only her." He said and Oliver started to refuse when his wife's eyes fell on him and he stepped back, respecting her wish.

Felicity walked with Ra's al Ghul through the darkened mansion, until he opened a sliding door in the back of the house and walked outside, into the snow.

"My daughter told me you had two children…" he said suddenly and Felicity blinked shocked at his words.

"Hum… yes, I do… Thomas and Emilia…" she replied and a soft, content smile appeared in her face.

"The presence of children can be a bless or a curse…" the man stated, and Felicity realized he was probably talking about his own daughter that tried to kill him for power and ended up killing Felicity's own father.

"Mine are a bless…" Felicity said, thinking not only of her twins, but about Connor as well, seeing the boy as her own son and loving him as so.

Ra's al Ghul nodded and kept walking in silence, until he stopped in front of a group of fifty or so small tombstones. There were no names in any of them, only a symbol, probably signaling their new identity in the League. Felicity wondered if when Sara died her tombstone would show a canary and if Nyssa's body would rest beside her. Shaking her head to get rid of those depressing thoughts, Felicity followed the man in front of her.

He stood in front of a tombstone with the head of a wolf howling.

"Why a wolf?" Felicity asked.

"It's one of the most loyal, generous, intelligent and cunning animals. Is known in our mist as the guardian of the celestial realms, someone of deep trust." Ra's al Ghul explained and Felicity smiled.

"I wish things were different…" she said softly and the man looked at her.

"So do I, but if there was one thing my long life taught me is not all of our wishes can come true and there's no value spending our years yearning for impossible dreams." The man said, turning around to give Felicity a few moments of privacy.

She kneeled in front of the stone, feeling the cold wetness of the snow sipping into her trousers. She didn't mind it. She loved the winter, with its smell of rain and unexpected storms that made her stay awake, while Oliver battled old demons with the help of the detachment from reality that her body could give him. How Connor would make the best hot chocolate and in the weekends would wake up sooner just to surprise her with a breakfast in bed, closely observed by Oliver.

Felicity didn't say anything. She just stood there, her mind blank of every thought. It was a hard thing to do for someone always jumping with ideas, but if there was one place where she could really be by herself, no nagging feelings, no worries, no fears or dreams, it would be here.

She knew people sometime spoke with their dear departed ones, but she couldn't make herself follow that example. She had watched Oliver visit Tommy's grave uncountable times and speak to his friend like he was there. But she couldn't make herself do that. She didn't know what to say or what to feel. She didn't even know what reason made her come all the way to Nanda Parbat. The only thing she knew was she had to. She had waited until her twins were fifteen months old, old enough to be left in the care of Diggle, Lyla, Thea and Roy. Connor was old enough to understand when Felicity told him she needed to see her father's grave. Having lost his mother was well, he knew she needed to do that and made sure to tell her everything would be alright with Mia and Tommy, that their older brother would take care of them.

Felicity heard the crunching of snow behind her and without turning around she knew Ra's had given Oliver permission to enter the cemetery.

"Hey…" he said softly, kneeling beside her and taking her hand into his larger one.

Felicity smiled at him.

"I don't know how you can stand in front of Tommy's grave and speak with him… I can't do that…" Felicity said and she looked at Oliver expecting him to say something.

"Well, I know what Tommy would like to hear, you know? Like he got his wish of having a son of mine named after him or that my wife is a beautiful woman that has me wrapped around her little finger…" Oliver said and Felicity's smile increased. "You didn't know your father, maybe that's why it's hard… Someday when you're in front of my grave maybe you will find it easier…" he shrugged his shoulders when Felicity gasped.

"Don't say that even joking! I can't bear to think of it!" she replied, turning to look at the grave. "I just… I needed to see it, you know? So I could see that it was real, that my father was a real person, who died to save someone he cared about… There's a lot of stuff about his job that I'm not proud of, but at least, this last act of his… that is something I will always respect him for, because I would have done the same thing for any of us…" she said and Oliver understood the us was not only them as a couple, but their extended family, their children, Connor, Mia and Thomas, their family by blood and by love: John, Lyla, Thea, Roy, Sara, Nyssa, Quentin, Barry, Laurel… All of them held a part of Felicity's heart, different parts with different meanings, the feeling of a wife, of a younger sister, of a mother, of a friend, of a best friend, of a mentor and protector. She was all of that and so much more….

"I love you…" Oliver whispered, the wind picking up and making his words float in the air.

"I love you…" Felicity answered, kissing him softly on the lips, feeling the taste of tea in his mouth.

When they touched the steps that took them to the Queen Mansion once again, the heavy bags were the only thing keeping Felicity from flying towards her children and when Raisa opened the door and a teen boy with his two hands being grabbed by wobbling toddlers appeared, she totally forgot bags and suitcases, running and kneeling in front of her three children.

"I missed you so much!" she was saying between smothering kisses. Connor was trying to keep her at bay as a respectable teen would do, but seeing her sad eyes when he tried to escape her clutches, he let her bear-hug him, while Oliver chuckled behind them.

"Believe me, in a few years you will want a beautiful woman like that to hug you!" Oliver laughed and Connor rolled his eyes, while his father kneeled in front of the twins and let them crawl all over him.

"It's good to be back." Oliver sighed when Tommy and Mia pushed him against the floor and used his belly as a trampoline.

Felicity's face appeared upside down right over his nose. She pecked him on the lips and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" Oliver asked, rolling his head to see his wife sitting of the steps in front of the house, surrounded by bags and his oldest son with his head against her shoulder.

"Blessed." She answered simply, kissing Connor's temple.

And she was. She loved her husband more than anything, she had three brilliant, amazing children that would always brighten her future no matter what, she had a family and friends, something she lacked as a child, but that she now cherished and fought to protect.

Felicity Meghan Smoak-Queen felt like the happiest woman on earth and if her husband's grin was any indication he felt like the luckiest man on earth.

They were happy. That was enough.

 

**_The End_ **


End file.
